Life – Page 28 – Rant and Roll

Take me home, country road

Do you ever get homesick for the different places in which you have lived?

I do.

Edinburgh 226 — Marc’s and my hostel in Edinburgh.

Last week I was chatting with our interim receptionist, a lovely young lass named Louisa. She being a native-Londoner, and myself a self-professed anglophile who lived in Jolly Ol’ England (BAH) in 2009, it was natural that our conversation turned towards the things that we missed most about life in the UK.

That morning we lamented about how much we missed GREGGS, a British chain bakery (and the place to procure the BEST 3 for 1£ egg tarts you will ever sample in your ENTIRE LIFE.)

As I walked back to my office I thought about all the things that I miss most about the different cities, that at one point or another, during my short twenty-eight years, I have called “home”.

Here are two of them:

Birmingham.

Cheap groceries.

Oh how do I miss thee! Three big blocks of (GOOD) cheese for five pounds? A massive box of cereal for ninety pence? A dozen free-range eggs for one pound? Organic veg for all but nought?

WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS CANADA?

Ease of travel.

“Oh hey! Want to go to Bath today? How about Edinburgh next weekend? What about Switzerland for Christmas?

“Hmmm, I don’t know…”

“It will cost us next to nothing, and we will be there in a matter of hours.”

“LET’S DO IT.”

All the candy.

Seriously, walk into a Tesco and IT IS EVERYWHERE. Aisle, after aisle of just the most amazing junk food you have ever encountered.

You can buy different flavoured marshmallows.

And if you like marshmallows as much I do, THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

And it is glorious.

Rugby.

I sure do like me a professional sportsman with cute bum.

Or as Marc was one to say, “Could you stop taking photos of that guy please?”

Classic.

Halifax.

Friendly people.

Seriously, the nicest people you will ever meet (I should probably say SOME of the nicest people) live on the east coast of Canada.

Sometimes I miss the easy, everyday interaction with people who just want to really, truly find out how you are doing.

Bars that have live celtic music.

This point needs no elaboration.

Also this:

Ease of travel.

A little different from Birmingham, in Halifax proper you can pretty much walk anywhere (weather permitting, of course.) In the dead of winter is it unlikely that you want to be on foot going anywhere, lest you freeze to death, trapped in a massive snow bank, or get carried away in a hurricane.

But in the summer?

It’s glorious.

…

On a completely different note, I feel like I’m going slightly mad from watching so much MI-5.

I was taking the skytrain yesterday, and there was a half-drunk frappacino under my chair, and all I could think was, “I’M SITTING ON TOP OF A BIOLOGICAL WEAPON.”

Yeesh.

I should probably give it a rest, and allow my life to be influenced by other things.

Although I sure do want to be spy.

I also find it weird how just watching this show totally ramps up my homesickness for the UK, despite the fact that it regularly rips out my heart, and gives me massive anxiety over the course of both episode and series’ arcs.

What about you dudes?

Do you folks watch MI-5?

And what cities do your hearts call out for?

I want to hear all about them.

Big things, little things, everywhere a thing thing

Things! Things! Things!

There are so many things of which we must speak!

So let’s get cracking…

Bad McDonald’s ads.

These just squick me right out.

I know much of this is due to the fact that I am (at the base of it all) an immature degenerate (seriously dudes, whatever veneer of sensibility and maturity I manage to project is shellacked on with a trowel EVERY MORNING) BUT –

I cannot be the only one who thinks this, right?

I mean, who chose these descriptors? Yes, sex sells BLAHBLAHBLAH, but when I am eating your crappy fast food, the last, LAST thing on my mind is getting down and funky.

In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings are literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.

And if it isn’t when I started eating said foodstuffs, it certainly is by the time I’ve finished. The end of a McDonald’s meal is always defined by the mild, yet lingering aftertaste of self-loathing, and the enduring curiosity as to whether anyone will ever again find me attractive.

(At least in the non-ironic sense.)

Don’t worry – I make my own bed. I know what I’m getting myself into, and yet, I NEVER STOP DOING IT.)

The long and short of it is – these ads are terrible and they make me uncomfortable for the thirty seconds or so I have to wait for my train to take me home.

AND THAT IS TOO LONG.

Why would you buy that?

People who live in Vancouver are officially insane.

I mean, who in their right mind would pay THAT MUCH MONEY for zero square footage? And what is even four hundred square feet?

Is there a place for you to hang your hammock, or does that cost more?

I can only assume that this arrangement has people peeing off of their (miniscule) balconies, and showering solely on days that it rains.

(Luckily this is Vancouver, so that averages out to quite a few cleaning days per year.)

Plus –

FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY SQUARE FEET!?

My head hurts.

Someone get me something TENDER and RIPE.

Just kidding!

Watch it.

After seeing this watch on Jubilant Sea’s blog there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop myself from buying it.

BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BEST OF LIFE.

It has a map!

A wonky map of the world!

I could wear the saddest, least colourful outfit in the world, and as long as I was wearing this watch, I would feel like a main stage player at Paris fashion week.

(I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sticking with it.)

Wedding dresses.

So I am in quite a few weddings this summer because all the people that I know and love are getting married which is SO EXCITING.

And as such, I need to procure some vestments that I may wear while I witness these many exchanges of rings and vows, etcetera etcetra.

Today on my lunch break I managed to wrangle TWO dresses – one for my sister in-law’s wedding in August, and one for my sister’s wedding that is coming up SO SOON at the beginning of July.

The latter dress is one with which I have been enamored for many moons, after walking by Club Monaco a bagillion times and swooning every time I saw it in the window display.

I tried to hold out as long as I could, but today I caved and tried it on and I LOVE IT SO MUCH GUYS.

Seriously, I just love it.

SO MUCH.

…

In other news, for the first time since 1994 I have a weekend with absolutely nothing planned, which THANK GOODNESS, because I have my half-marathon in three very short weeks, and if I’ve going to run a sub-1:30 I better get back on the training path AND QUICK.

IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

In other great, GREAT news (concerning the run), I have already raised $1,035 for Big Sisters, and counting! I am running for the organization, and all the proceeds raised go directly to helping match new Bigs with the current waitlist of Littles.
If you are interested in learning more about our efforts, you can do so here.

Otherwise, I plan on doing nothing but eating a lot of Nutella and watching an entire season of MI5.

Is it just me, or does Lukas North get hotter the second time around?

Just me?

Bueller?

Happy Friday you beauty cats!

I wish for you nothing but greatness, and awe.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

The other night I was sure I was going to die in my sleep.

This is not a joke.

I had the worst stress headache, and as I lay in bed, torturing myself with thoughts of an imagined tumor taking over my brain, I melodramatically turned to Marc and whispered, “This may be the last time I ever see you.”

There was a pause before my (loving) husband turned to me and responded, “Okay then. NIGHT NIGHT!”

Then he kissed me on the forehead, and turned off his bedside lamp.

Please don’t think any less of him. He knows well enough to ignore me when I am at my most dramatic.

And what do you know?

I woke up just fine.

But dying in my sleep is one of my most irrational fears. You know the ones – the ones prone to poking their heads out of the ground, always at the least opportune moments, like little satanic thought gophers.

IMG_20130529_123400 — How I feel about satanic thought gophers.

The ones that once you know that they’re there, you are hard pressed to stop thinking about them; until, of course, you go slightly mad (just like Bill Murray in Caddyshack.)

In short, they are the absolute worst.

But as we all have them, I would like to take this time to share few others of mine – fears that always, always know how to get the best of me:

Balloons.

URG.

Just don’t.

Ever.

I hate balloons.

They are terrible, and they make me want to vomit.

I hate the feel of them; the smell of them. I hate the way they sound, and I hate knowing that someone’s spittle is trapped inside of them, just waiting to break free.

I hate when they pop, but more than that I hate when they become sad, flaccid demi-balloons – not yet depleted of their disgusting saliva-soaked oxygen supply, but empty enough to just sag about, hovering inches above the floor.

Above all else however, I hate balloons because of the story my mum told my sisters and I about a young boy who came into her ER (many moons ago before she became a lawyer), who almost died because a balloon had become lodged in his throat.

You see, while trying to blow one up, he had taken a big breath in, and along with the breath went the balloon.

How scary is that?

How scary is that hearing this story when you’re five years old?

So I hate balloons because they, like my imagined brain tumors, are trying to kill me.

Airplane toilets.

I’m not the biggest fan of flying any way you slice it, but I’ve done so much of it in my life that I can deal.

What scares me the most, however, are the toilets.

Call me crazy, but I am super sure that one day I will flush one of them and then be sucked down into the recesses of the plane.

Just think about that.

IT’S TERRIFYING.

And it is because of this that I never, ever flush one without having first washed up, and then having my hand ready to go on the door lock/handle for the quickest escape possible.

Because after I press that button, I need to be out of there like a flash.

(Like a flush?)

Not knowing what the future holds.

It can be a little scary, right?

Not airplane toilet scary, but a little frightful nevertheless.

(Especially for a control-freak, compulsive planner, like me.)

BUT I’M WORKING ON IT.

And I’m slowly seeing how exciting not knowing really can be.

…

What about you dudes?

What scares you?

I promise to hold your hand as you tell me.

Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast.

When my life becomes overwhelming, it can be hard for me to remember how much beauty exists the entire world over.

The past few weeks have been completely nutty, and in order to balance out the manic with the marvelous, I have been reading like a reading thing, running like a running thing, and writing like a writing thing.

Because goodness knows how important it is to see the forest for the trees.

I’m currently racing through The Ladies of Grace Adieu by Susanna Clarke.

It’s fabulous, and brilliant, and heartwarming, and filled with the sweet magic (literally) that makes my little heart smile.

Here are a few other things that on this Friday, are bringing me heaps and heaps of love:

There is always money in the banana stand.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT THIS SUNDAY!

I think I just blue myself.

Now, I know that everyone has their preferred AD characters, but Lucille is my favourite hands down.

Well, the epic combination of her and Buster.

Seriously, while I love the entire family, nothing will ever make me laugh as hard as the incredibly strange, yet side-splitting relationship between the Bluth matriarch and her one-handed son.

Someone get me a subscription to Balboa Bay Window, stat.

Bonus video – Thomas Mulcair (leader of the New Democratic Party, and Canada’s Official Opposition) quoting the show in Parliament:

Sleepy head.

I mean, how could you not?

Sometimes I just bury my head in Nymeria’s fur and take giant breath after giant breath.

I call it “cat huffing.”

…

LOOK – I NEVER SAID I WAS SANE DID I?

Patio fever.

Sunny, summer-tinged mornings, eating outside with my little bird friends?

I want to do this every day of my life.

…

Other things in which I am taking comfort these days –

Skype calls with my fam.

New perfumes.

Fish tacos.

Chocolate-chili cookies.

Wind-swept walks.

Falling asleep to the sound of the late-night rain.

Early-morning kisses.

It’s bliss.

Just bliss.

And soon enough, things will be back to normal (whatever “normal” means anyway), and this frenetic pace will slow.

Either way, however, I will continue to bask in the beauty of it all.

Because just like life, it truly is overwhelming.

Thanks for the dance

Yesterday I didn’t have too great of a day.

I worked too much, and didn’t eat enough.

What I did eat was absolute garbage, and mostly just consisted of one thing: doughnuts.

I arrived home way past my usual ETA – deflated, rain-splattered, and exhausted.

Holed up on the couch, I ate some carrots, and watched a few episodes of Arrested Development, before schlepping my rickety bones up to bed.

By 9 o’clock I was out like a light.

And oh how I slept.

Today, thank goodness, was different.

The rain was good enough to stay away, and my workload was manageable.

I even only ate one doughnut. ONE!

(Seriously, any day where I stick to one dessert per meal is a win in my books.)

It’s also my big sister’s birthday.

I miss this beauty cat more than you could possibly know, and it makes my little heart sad knowing that I cannot be with her to help her celebrate. However, I take solace in knowing that in but a few short weeks I will be there in New York PARTYING IT DOWN, feting her wedding like my life depends on it.

So happy birthday Kate! You are the most magnificent big sis a gal could ever hope for.

In other wonderful news, today I met up with Ms. Laura Beth of Perched on a Whim AND IT WAS AWESOME.

Inspiring.

Hilarious.

And just plain old fabulous.

She is in town visiting with her husband, and I was lucky enough to catch her before they took off for the wild, bewildering beauty of Whistler village.

I couldn’t have asked for a better lunch hour.

Sometimes you meet people and everything just clicks. It’s easy – the conversation, the rhythm, the energy.

Our time together, although brief, left me energized and enthused.

What an amazing thing that we could connect through our writing, and have the chance to meet each other in person.

The world truly is a magical place!

AND YOU GUYS.

My first blogger meet up!

This just means I will get to meet more of you, right?

Because goodness knows you all do light up my life.

So happy Wednesday folks.

I couldn’t do it without you.