McDonalds – Rant and Roll

Things! Things! Things!

There are so many things of which we must speak!

So let’s get cracking…

Bad McDonald’s ads.

These just squick me right out.

I know much of this is due to the fact that I am (at the base of it all) an immature degenerate (seriously dudes, whatever veneer of sensibility and maturity I manage to project is shellacked on with a trowel EVERY MORNING) BUT –

I cannot be the only one who thinks this, right?

I mean, who chose these descriptors? Yes, sex sells BLAHBLAHBLAH, but when I am eating your crappy fast food, the last, LAST thing on my mind is getting down and funky.

In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings are literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.

And if it isn’t when I started eating said foodstuffs, it certainly is by the time I’ve finished. The end of a McDonald’s meal is always defined by the mild, yet lingering aftertaste of self-loathing, and the enduring curiosity as to whether anyone will ever again find me attractive.

(At least in the non-ironic sense.)

Don’t worry – I make my own bed. I know what I’m getting myself into, and yet, I NEVER STOP DOING IT.)

The long and short of it is – these ads are terrible and they make me uncomfortable for the thirty seconds or so I have to wait for my train to take me home.

AND THAT IS TOO LONG.

Why would you buy that?

People who live in Vancouver are officially insane.

I mean, who in their right mind would pay THAT MUCH MONEY for zero square footage? And what is even four hundred square feet?

Is there a place for you to hang your hammock, or does that cost more?

I can only assume that this arrangement has people peeing off of their (miniscule) balconies, and showering solely on days that it rains.

(Luckily this is Vancouver, so that averages out to quite a few cleaning days per year.)

Plus –

FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY SQUARE FEET!?

My head hurts.

Someone get me something TENDER and RIPE.

Just kidding!

Watch it.

After seeing this watch on Jubilant Sea’s blog there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop myself from buying it.

BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BEST OF LIFE.

It has a map!

A wonky map of the world!

I could wear the saddest, least colourful outfit in the world, and as long as I was wearing this watch, I would feel like a main stage player at Paris fashion week.

(I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sticking with it.)

Wedding dresses.

So I am in quite a few weddings this summer because all the people that I know and love are getting married which is SO EXCITING.

And as such, I need to procure some vestments that I may wear while I witness these many exchanges of rings and vows, etcetera etcetra.

Today on my lunch break I managed to wrangle TWO dresses – one for my sister in-law’s wedding in August, and one for my sister’s wedding that is coming up SO SOON at the beginning of July.

The latter dress is one with which I have been enamored for many moons, after walking by Club Monaco a bagillion times and swooning every time I saw it in the window display.

I tried to hold out as long as I could, but today I caved and tried it on and I LOVE IT SO MUCH GUYS.

Seriously, I just love it.

SO MUCH.

…

In other news, for the first time since 1994 I have a weekend with absolutely nothing planned, which THANK GOODNESS, because I have my half-marathon in three very short weeks, and if I’ve going to run a sub-1:30 I better get back on the training path AND QUICK.

IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

In other great, GREAT news (concerning the run), I have already raised $1,035 for Big Sisters, and counting! I am running for the organization, and all the proceeds raised go directly to helping match new Bigs with the current waitlist of Littles.
If you are interested in learning more about our efforts, you can do so here.

Otherwise, I plan on doing nothing but eating a lot of Nutella and watching an entire season of MI5.

Is it just me, or does Lukas North get hotter the second time around?

Just me?

Bueller?

Happy Friday you beauty cats!

I wish for you nothing but greatness, and awe.

Ooof. I did not sleep well last night.

The rubbish combination of McDonalds for dinner, strong tea before bedtime, and unusually warm spring temperatures ensured that the couple of Zzzzs that I did catch were restless, and even worse, non-consecutive.

(Normally I would never begrudge a meal of fries and a McFlurry because 1.) they happen so rarely, and 2.) DID YOU KNOW THAT MCDONALDS MAKES DRUMSTICK MCFLURRIES?)

However, waking this morning, dehydrated and exhausted, I lamented like hell over my choice in food stuffs. Dinner of champions it was not, especially because I just crammed the whole thing in my mouth on my way to meet with my Little Sister.

I’ve also been rocking this really sweet eye twitch for the past week now, so I can’t imagine that my thirty-two minutes of rest will do much to help out with that.

(If anything, I think it’s gotten worse, EGADS.)

I kind of feel like bugs bunny in the below cartoon (clip starts at 40 seconds):

WHAT A WAY TO RUN A RAILROAD.

It actually blows my mind when I think about how much of my life is influenced by the cartoons, books, and movies I watched and read as a child.

There probably isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reference or quote (or ever just think about) Looney Tunes, or Kit Pearson, or Shel Silverstein, or The Simpsons.

I think my favourite is when I think I’ve over done it with the make-up, I like to ask Marc (or whomever is around) if it looks like I’ve “set the make-up gun on whore.”

…

Yep.

I’m laughing just thinking about it.

This weekend should be a sweet, sweet mix of soaking up all of the sun rays I can get, (seeing as though I currently look like a specter, this is a VERY good thing), Mother’s day brunches, and hopefully a date night with that long-lost husband of mine.

I tell you, we are two little worker bees he and I, so much so that it’s hard not to fall into a rut that I like to call: “two highly productive, yet sleep deprived ships passing in the night.”

FOOOOOOG HOOOOORRRNNN.

It might also be nice if I could find a dress or two for the weddings that I am attending (and participating in!) this summer.

Honestly folks, time is passing at such a speed I cannot believe that we will soon we welcoming the arrival of June. I’m not sure about you, but I need to buckle up tight, and grab hold of the OH CRAP BAR because –

THINGS. BE. MOVING.

Things be moving fast.

Alas, I cannot complain because at the base of it all is such boundless awesomeness that I feel a little nuts sometimes – I really am too lucky for my own good to be surrounded with such beauty.

My friends, family, fantastic (ship of a) husband.

Our little cat.

Adventures a plenty.

So let’s put on our dancing shoes and boogie the night away.

Happy Friday to you all!

Tag: McDonalds

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