Big things, little things, everywhere a thing thing

Things! Things! Things!

There are so many things of which we must speak!

So let’s get cracking…

Bad McDonald’s ads.

These just squick me right out.

IMG_20130527_154253I know much of this is due to the fact that I am (at the base of it all) an immature degenerate (seriously dudes, whatever veneer of sensibility and maturity I manage to project is shellacked on with a trowel EVERY MORNING) BUT –

I cannot be the only one who thinks this, right?

I mean, who chose these descriptors? Yes, sex sells BLAHBLAHBLAH, but when I am eating your crappy fast food, the last, LAST thing on my mind is getting down and funky.

In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings are literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.

And if it isn’t when I started eating said foodstuffs, it certainly is by the time I’ve finished. The end of a McDonald’s meal is always defined by the mild, yet lingering aftertaste of self-loathing, and the enduring curiosity as to whether anyone will ever again find me attractive.

(At least in the non-ironic sense.)

Don’t worry – I make my own bed. I know what I’m getting myself into, and yet, I NEVER STOP DOING IT.)

The long and short of it is – these ads are terrible and they make me uncomfortable for the thirty seconds or so I have to wait for my train to take me home.

AND THAT IS TOO LONG.

Why would you buy that?

People who live in Vancouver are officially insane.

IMG_20130529_073536I mean, who in their right mind would pay THAT MUCH MONEY for zero square footage? And what is even four hundred square feet?

Is there a place for you to hang your hammock, or does that cost more?

I can only assume that this arrangement has people peeing off of their (miniscule) balconies, and showering solely on days that it rains.

(Luckily this is Vancouver, so that averages out to quite a few cleaning days per year.)

Plus –

FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY SQUARE FEET!?

My head hurts.

Someone get me something TENDER and RIPE.

Just kidding!

Watch it.

After seeing this watch on Jubilant Sea’s blog there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop myself from buying it.

IMG_20130531_134906BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BEST OF LIFE.

It has a map!

A wonky map of the world!

I could wear the saddest, least colourful outfit in the world, and as long as I was wearing this watch, I would feel like a main stage player at Paris fashion week.

(I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sticking with it.)

Wedding dresses.

So I am in quite a few weddings this summer because all the people that I know and love are getting married which is SO EXCITING.

And as such, I need to procure some vestments that I may wear while I witness these many exchanges of rings and vows, etcetera etcetra.

Today on my lunch break I managed to wrangle TWO dresses – one for my sister in-law’s wedding in August, and one for my sister’s wedding that is coming up SO SOON at the beginning of July.

The latter dress is one with which I have been enamored for many moons, after walking by Club Monaco a bagillion times and swooning every time I saw it in the window display.

IMG_20130531_121520

I tried to hold out as long as I could, but today I caved and tried it on and I LOVE IT SO MUCH GUYS.

Seriously, I just love it.

SO MUCH.

In other news, for the first time since 1994 I have a weekend with absolutely nothing planned, which THANK GOODNESS, because I have my half-marathon in three very short weeks, and if I’ve going to run a sub-1:30 I better get back on the training path AND QUICK.

IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

In other great, GREAT news (concerning the run), I have already raised $1,035 for Big Sisters, and counting! I am running for the organization, and all the proceeds raised go directly to helping match new Bigs with the current waitlist of Littles.
If you are interested in learning more about our efforts, you can do so here.

Otherwise, I plan on doing nothing but eating a lot of Nutella  and watching an entire season of MI5.

Is it just me, or does Lukas North get hotter the second time around?

Just me?

Bueller?

Happy Friday you beauty cats!

I wish for you nothing but greatness, and awe.

Hold on to your butts

So a couple of weeks ago I wrote about an ad in the women’s change room of my gym – an ad that was giving me so much grief that every so often I felt as though I was going to have a panic attack on the treadmill.

A few days after I published that post, I finally reached my breaking point – the time for action was nigh.

In the parlance of our times: it was do or die.

I’m proud to say that instead of taking a sharpie and writing “HEY GROSSO! YOUR STRETCHMARKS MAKE YOU SUBHUMAN, SO GIVE UP AND JUST EAT THAT BURGER WE ALL KNOW YOU SO DESPERATELY WANT!” in an attempt to force them to take down the ad (due to my subversive measures) I decided to take the high road and speak with the young lady who works at the front desk.

In all honesty, I was actually pretty nervous as I approached the counter-cum-smoothie bar.  I knew that I wasn’t being unreasonable bringing up the ad, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that I was going to come off as unreasonable.

However the thing that I am most ashamed to admit, is that more than anything, I was afraid.  I was afraid that she was going to judge me as an overly sensitive and insecure about my body.

I was afraid that she would tell me that the ads themselves weren’t the problem – I was.

Which definitely made me pause and question whether or not these fears had any merit – not in so far as I actually believed that this young lady would resent me, or formulate conclusions on my self-esteems based on a  two-minute interaction, but rather if this fear of a perceived lack of confidence existed outside of this made-up scenario.

Simply put: did these ads make me insecure about my body?  Or do I feel insecure about my body whether or not these ads exist?

I don’t have a simple, clear-cut answer.  It’s something that I’ve given a great deal of thought to, and will continue to do so over the next little while.

I can tell you that my conversation with the girl at the front desk was short and extremely positive.  She seemed surprised that I was bringing up the ad, letting me know that she had never really given them much of a glance herself.  I don’t know if this is true or not, but she readily agreed that a more body/self-positive message would probably better fit the whole gym ethos.

Overall, it was a darn positive experience.

And the best part?  The next time I went in the ad had been changed!  Now I get to stare at this as I change into my gym strip:

E to the D is making the world a better place – one step at a time!

As an addendum to this post, can we all agree on the overall greatness that is Jurassic Park – both the book and film?

This evening my husband and I were waxing eloquent on the impact these two works had on us as young things in the early 90’s, and seriously, I think I’m going to find a used copy of the book so I may relive the memories.

But let’s just get one thing straight – no one is EVER going to survive 10,000 volts. Right?  I mean, come on.  Dinosaurs from mosquito DNA I can handle, but human BBQ from a T-Rex enclosure?  Not. A. Chance.

Also, anybody hear that? It’s a, um… It’s an impact tremor, that’s what it is.  I’m fairly alarmed here.