As you might have heard, we’re living in unprecedented times. It seems like every day things get a little more surreal and I find it very hard not to let the waves of uncertainty and panic get the best of me.
You know – how it’s been for the last thirty-five years of my life?
I’ve really been practicing my yoga breathing, especially at night as I lie in bed falling asleep.
(I haven’t been so much practicing my yoga yoga, but in all honestly, with the way things are going, it’s very likely that I’ll be unrolling your mat and switching on YouTube so that I can start.)
I thought you would be so proud of me – signing up for prenatal yoga classes at my local community centre. They were to start in April and be my new Sunday morning routine, a new twist on my weekend workout.
A marker of how much I’ve matured over the past five and a bit months as this little babe has grown inside of me.
Yes, that’s right momma, I’m having a baby.
I’m having a baby during a pandemic.
Doesn’t that sound wild?
I really wish that we could chat on the phone. Just hearing your voice would be reassuring – a little break from our ever-churning news cycle.
We could talk about what’s happening in the Maritimes and our palpable relief that the US-Canada border has officially (or as close as we’re going to get) closed.
I know you’d also love our Provincial Health Officer, Dr. Bonnie Henry. She’s brilliant and badass, compassionate and calm. Sometimes I get choked up just listening to her, because she reminds me of you.
All courageous, smart and strong women do.
Remember how sensitive and emotional I’ve always been? Well, multiply that by about seventeen, what with all these hormones coursing about my body.
As much as my heart aches that you’re not here momma, there is a part of me that’s slightly relieved. I am so glad that you don’t need to navigate the health care system and deal with chemo appointments or rescheduled blood work, and the unease of heading into hospitals with your compromised immune system.
If something were to happen to you now, and Kate and I and our families couldn’t get to you, I don’t know what I would do. My heart is so sore for the families that are not able to reunite for those moments that I am certain that mine would shatter if put in the same situation.
I’m also trying not to let it bother me that Marc isn’t allowed to come to anymore of my appointments.
My twenty-week ultrasound was yesterday, and he was relegated to the parking lot as I got to see and say hello to our little one.
It will be the same for our midwife appointment today, and all future meetings going forward.
I’ve been trying to get him to feel the little kicks that have slowly begun to get stronger over the past week, but sometimes I think the babe is a bit of a trickster because they will immediately stop moving as soon as he puts his hand on my tummy.
Even now as I write this, I can feel them dancing about. I think they may be saying hello.
Momma, I also want you to know how well I am taking care of myself. I was so afraid coming into this pregnancy that I wouldn’t be able to move outside of my eating disorder and the unshakeable parameters that have ruled my life for so many years.
I’m so happy to say that it’s been the exact opposite.
For the first time ever, I get excited about preparing and eating food. I relish and take pleasure in nourishing my body.
I’m still exercising a lot, but purposefully. I’m always listening to how my body feels and modifying when I need to.
Turns out too, that the only way I was ever going to buy new workout clothing was to get pregnant. Should have learned this a long time ago, because man can a good pair of high-waisted leggings really set you off on a high.
I’m always learning momma.
I’m learning how to be a momma.
I wish you could see me.
I wish you could teach me.
I wish you could keep me safe and brush my hair and tell me that it’s all going to be okay.
I see you in today’s sunrise momma.
Thanks for telling me every day.
9 thoughts on “Dear Momma, I’m pregnant and it’s a pandemic”
Omg our darling Vanessa is having a baby! As soon as this pandemic is over Greemo say want hug his aloha sister big time and rejoice for the new baby, you and Marc and especially for Momma who is watching over all. xxx
You bet once this is over we’re going to be saying aloha and getting together! Momma will be there celebrating in spirit, of course. Love to you, always.
Thank you for sharing this message to your Momma. I’m so happy you’re going to be a Momma. I know you’ll be wonderful and wacky and much loved and cherished by your child.
So much of what you think about and say to your Momma catches me in the back of my throat, moving me to tears. I’m thinking so many of the same or similar thoughts and telling my Mom, but in a more private way. It’s partly that I am an introvert and partly, perhaps, that I’m of your Momma’s generation.
Take care of you and yours, dear Vanessa.
Sent from Mail for Windows 10
Thank you so much for sharing, and that you for taking part in my sharing! Sending you so much love, today and always.
Dear Vanessa & Mark,
I am very excited to hear your wonderful news. Nana G would have been over the 🌝. I miss her every day, but am grateful for the times she spent with us. She would have so loved our Apt on the Hudson. Prayers for your health & well being and for Mark’s patience with his “distance pre-parenting”. These are challenging times; look forward to future news.
Noreen & Rick ❤️🙏✌️🤗😘☘️🌹
Thank you Noreen! I know mum would have LOVED your apartment – and would be hell bent on checking out the surrounding scene. I too miss her every day. I’ll keep in touch with future news – sending you and Rick all of the love!
Vanessa I am so happy for you – you will be an amazing momma. Your sharing about your momma and how you see the world through her eyes and more importantly through her heart bring me to tears. I shared this with my daughter and we both cried for what it means to be a mom and have been loved by a mom.
I wish you so much love. Brenda
Thank you Brenda! What a lovely note – makes my heart, truly. Thank you for sharing and I am sending you and your family all of the love right back.
I’m happy for you. As a mother of a1 year old during this pandemic it’s been tough. You worry about hand washing more that’s for sure. You’ll be fine and so will that baby. Mothers have been giving birth for thousands of years and under worse circumstances…. Sending a warm hug from one mother to another.