Club Monaco – Rant and Roll

Big things, little things, everywhere a thing thing

Things! Things! Things!

There are so many things of which we must speak!

So let’s get cracking…

Bad McDonald’s ads.

These just squick me right out.

I know much of this is due to the fact that I am (at the base of it all) an immature degenerate (seriously dudes, whatever veneer of sensibility and maturity I manage to project is shellacked on with a trowel EVERY MORNING) BUT –

I cannot be the only one who thinks this, right?

I mean, who chose these descriptors? Yes, sex sells BLAHBLAHBLAH, but when I am eating your crappy fast food, the last, LAST thing on my mind is getting down and funky.

In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings are literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.

And if it isn’t when I started eating said foodstuffs, it certainly is by the time I’ve finished. The end of a McDonald’s meal is always defined by the mild, yet lingering aftertaste of self-loathing, and the enduring curiosity as to whether anyone will ever again find me attractive.

(At least in the non-ironic sense.)

Don’t worry – I make my own bed. I know what I’m getting myself into, and yet, I NEVER STOP DOING IT.)

The long and short of it is – these ads are terrible and they make me uncomfortable for the thirty seconds or so I have to wait for my train to take me home.

AND THAT IS TOO LONG.

Why would you buy that?

People who live in Vancouver are officially insane.

I mean, who in their right mind would pay THAT MUCH MONEY for zero square footage? And what is even four hundred square feet?

Is there a place for you to hang your hammock, or does that cost more?

I can only assume that this arrangement has people peeing off of their (miniscule) balconies, and showering solely on days that it rains.

(Luckily this is Vancouver, so that averages out to quite a few cleaning days per year.)

Plus –

FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY SQUARE FEET!?

My head hurts.

Someone get me something TENDER and RIPE.

Just kidding!

Watch it.

After seeing this watch on Jubilant Sea’s blog there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop myself from buying it.

BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BEST OF LIFE.

It has a map!

A wonky map of the world!

I could wear the saddest, least colourful outfit in the world, and as long as I was wearing this watch, I would feel like a main stage player at Paris fashion week.

(I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sticking with it.)

Wedding dresses.

So I am in quite a few weddings this summer because all the people that I know and love are getting married which is SO EXCITING.

And as such, I need to procure some vestments that I may wear while I witness these many exchanges of rings and vows, etcetera etcetra.

Today on my lunch break I managed to wrangle TWO dresses – one for my sister in-law’s wedding in August, and one for my sister’s wedding that is coming up SO SOON at the beginning of July.

The latter dress is one with which I have been enamored for many moons, after walking by Club Monaco a bagillion times and swooning every time I saw it in the window display.

I tried to hold out as long as I could, but today I caved and tried it on and I LOVE IT SO MUCH GUYS.

Seriously, I just love it.

SO MUCH.

…

In other news, for the first time since 1994 I have a weekend with absolutely nothing planned, which THANK GOODNESS, because I have my half-marathon in three very short weeks, and if I’ve going to run a sub-1:30 I better get back on the training path AND QUICK.

IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

In other great, GREAT news (concerning the run), I have already raised $1,035 for Big Sisters, and counting! I am running for the organization, and all the proceeds raised go directly to helping match new Bigs with the current waitlist of Littles.
If you are interested in learning more about our efforts, you can do so here.

Otherwise, I plan on doing nothing but eating a lot of Nutella and watching an entire season of MI5.

Is it just me, or does Lukas North get hotter the second time around?

Just me?

Bueller?

Happy Friday you beauty cats!

I wish for you nothing but greatness, and awe.

All dressed up, with somewhere to go

So yesterday on Facebook I was tagged in a friend’s post that began, “Calling all my fashion-forward friends…”

Wait, what the – ?

I nearly fell off my chesterfield.

ME!? Fashion-forward!?

How utterly dumbfounding, and, if I’m going to be quite honest, pleasantly flattering.

It’s not that I don’t think of myself as “fashionable” (I think I have the capacity to rock an outfit every now and then), it’s just to be singled out as such gave me pause. I couldn’t help but wonder – how much of my identity, or self-perception to I take from my outward appearance, and the clothing with which I decorate my body?

And then I thought – AM I OVER-THINKING THIS WHOLE THING?

And I thought, “YES. YES I AM.”

Cool your jets there Judith Butler.

I then opened my laptop and what would you know? The brilliant, beautiful, amazing, and totally fashion-fabulous Laura from As Time Goes Buy had tagged me in a wonderful post she had written about her sartorial and shopping preferences, and I thought – THIS MUST BE A SIGN.

I WILL NOW GO AND BUY ALL THE CLOTHES.

(Don’t tell my husband.)

But before I leave the house to go bankrupt myself at Club Monaco, I will first answer a series of questions, because as a professional question answerer, that is what I do.*

*A girl can dream, can’t she?

Would you consider yourself a shopoholic?

I would not. I would however consider myself a try-it-on-aholic.

I am one of those rare weirdos who LOVES trying on clothes – of ALL kinds. I don’t care if it’s wackier than a three dollar bill, I will shimmy into that velour onsie and then pee myself laughing at my reflection.

As much as I get a kick out of modeling totally nutty clothing,my true favourite thing to try on is a beautiful dress. Sometimes it busts my heart into ten thousand little pieces knowing that I cannot bring every frock home with me, but alas, that is just the price that I have to pay when playing these dressing-room games.

How would you classify your style?

A real mixed bag. I love incredibly feminine pieces (see: my love of dresses), but I also love wearing suits with ties, men’s pants, and my husband’s cardigans.

I also (mostly) subscribe to the fashion philosophy that says if I am showing off my legs, I’ll probably cover up my top half, and vice versa.

Of course, I’m also one for breaking the rules.

Otherwise, the beach would be exhausting.

What store can you NOT leave without buying something?

Hmmm, tough question.

I would say Joe Fresh.

Mr. Fresh and I are VERY close.

Also Dairy Queen, but that is for completely different reasons.

Where do you find the best deals?

Hands down, Joe Fresh and H&M. I’ve scored some amazing deals at both of these stores, and I would say that the majority of the clothes currently populating my wardrobe were purchased from these fashion emporiums.

I also do well at Forever XXI, and Club Monaco (but only from the sales rack, for the latter, unfortunately.)

What designer are you willing to splurge on?

I would say it’s less of a designer, and more certain pieces. For instance, I paid good money for my Fidelity jeans, and four years later people are still asking me if they are brand new. I also bought Timberland boots three winters ago and they are amazing and keep me sane through the coldest of months.

If I could actually buy any designer wares, I would be all over Marc Jacobs and Miu Miu.

All over them like a bad rash.

Do you have a “go to” shopping outfit?

In the summer – an easy, breezy, beautiful sundress.

In the fall – jeans, a t-shirt, and thick cardigan.

In the winter – thick tights, a short skirt, a warm sweater, and good boots.

In the spring – long dress, light sweater, and a trench coat.

What is your “guilty pleasure”? (not including clothes)

[CENSORED]

Hahahaha!

Hmmm, I’m not sure. Maybe my ever-growing lipstick collection?

And 7/11 apple fritters.

THEY ARE SO GOOD.

What is one piece of clothing you can’t live without?

This is so tough!

My fashionista answer? A really great pair of jeans.

My real-life answer? My running shoes.

Who is your style icon?

This is also a terrifically hard question.

I’m really not sure.

I absolutely love Jenna Lyons – JCrew’s president and official fashion badass. She mixes feminine and masculine looks so well, and always looks absolutely immaculate.

Carey Mulligan is also fabulous, and I also really, really want to be her friend.

Hopefully after this happens she will lend me much of her wardrobe.

Because stealing from her is going to be bloody hard.

…

So there you have it! My fashion sense in a nutshell.

Thanks to the lovely Laura for tagging me – do check out her site. You will be inspired.

And I also encourage all of you to share – what makes your wardrobe tick?

Ready to rock, ready to roll

Hi Kids!

Happy, happy Friday! I am so excited I could just dance.

(I know this because I have been dancing most of the morning.)

I have been a busy little bee for the last couple of weeks, getting all my big projects and articles completed, so today is mostly just housekeeping – the little odds and ends.

And thank goodness, as there is nothing I want more for my Christmas hols than to be blissfully unplugged, and oh-so relaxed.

I will be a zen master, extraordinaire.

So let’s get the meditation train rolling with a festive and fun Friday Fry-up!

Do it, do it.

Dressed to impress.

So last night I performed at a local pro-am stand-up night, and I got to wear a brand-spanking new outfit.

It. Was. Awesome.

Ch-ch-check it:

I always like to wear fun outfits whenever I am on stage, and boy was I ever excited to debut this little number.

I had spent my lunch break shopping and bopping about the downtown core with my partner in crime Ms. Jen, and when I espied these two pieces my brain near exploded out of the top of my head.

(In a good way – not in a Zeus birthing Athena kind of way, as bad-ass as that was.)

I purchased the shirt from Joe Fresh (fashion mecca #2) and look, look!

Check out the back:

Isn’t it lovely? I can going to wear the absolute heck out of it over the course of the winter break.

The skirt I procured from Club Monaco (my would-be-fashion go-to if I had more disposable cash dollars) and I was completely chuffed to find out that it was majorly marked down, because goodness knows I couldn’t resist its colour or its whimsical cut.

What can I say, I’m a sucker for anything that was meant for twirling.

And this skirt makes you want to twirl forever.

And you know what?

Me and my brilliant get-up totally rocked the house down – talking about crappy Christmas carols, humble-braggers, and beard shampoo.

You know, the works.

Next!

Marshmallow madness.

So it was during our shopping adventure that Jen and I came across this monstrosity:

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HECK IS THIS!?

H&M, I love ya, but seriously, you’ve got some major explaining to do.

Is this what our snuggy culture has come too?

I mean, I’m all for comfort, but I have never, ever driven past a Michelin Tire Store and thought to myself, “Man, I would totally dress like their mascot, it’s just too bad that there’s nothing out there that could help me fulfill this wish!”

Oh!

And another thing!

THIS IS VANCOUVER.

The coldest it ever gets here is maybe minus ten.

Even if it were to get that cold – and it most likely won’t – the city would probably just shut down, so no one would need ever leave their house, let alone struggle their way into a mobile sleeping bag.

Where’s the blinking majesty I ask?

YEESH.

Sing, sing, sing it!

I won’t bore you to death with the Christmas songs I love to loathe (or just plain loathe) – as suffice to say there are many.

(Plus I don’t want to piss anyone off, as I know that there are many out there that hold dear the tunes that make me want to scrap my eyeballs out of their sockets with a rusty socket wrench.)

So I instead, I thought I would share a few of my favourites with you all, in the hope that they too might take up place in your holiday-themed hearts.

First – At Last I’m Ready for Christmas, by Stan Rogers.

I LOVE THIS SONG. It is basically the theme of my life around this time of year.

Second – O Holy Night, by the Barra MacNeils.

Lucy MacNeil will never not bring tears to my eyes.

Third – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, by Brenda Lee.

CLASSIC. Nuff said.

…

So there you have it my darlings!

I am bouncing off the walls, and I can only hope that you are too.

Wishing you a weekend of laugher, love, and light!

You all sure do brighten up my life.

You’ll listen to it twice, on the radio

Hi kids.

Do you ever get the overwhelming urge to just shout out: “What do you mean constantly talking about it isn’t going to make me any less tired!?”

It’s been but a four day work week and I’m totally ready to pack it in for the next seven.

Good grief.

However, fab happenings this weekend include running the Fall Classic 10k on Sunday, and then later that night hosting the Storytelling Show on Vancouver Co-op Radio.

If you cool cats wish to tune in as yours truly burns up the airwaves, please fix your dials to 100.5 fm (if you live in Beautiful BC) or else surf on over here to catch an earful.

Nine p.m. sharp!

Also, tomorrow I have two talks with the United Way, and then later that night, the man with whom I share my home (but so rarely see outside the hours of 11pm-6am – if you wish to equate “drooling quietly while asleep beside his comatose body” with “seeing”) are going on a date.

Meep!

We are finally going to check out Skyfall and see what all the fuss is about.

I actually really like James Bond flicks – whether they’re old-school cheese-fests or Jason-Bourne-only-in-a-tux (as I like to say about the Daniel Craig iterations) – so I’m looking forward to watching Mr. Broccoli’s latest release.

In the interim, Fry-up time!

If you think I’m sexy.

So in my post this past Monday, I published a photo of just some of the sweet records M and I listen to whilst up on the Sunshine Coast.

One of the singers highlighted was Rod Stewart, and as I mentioned to one of my lovely commenters, my love for Mr. Footloose and Fancy Free pretty much knows no bounds.

I bloody well adore him.

Just last night, I was driving home from my weekly meet up with my Little, and this song came on the radio:

OMG this tune absolutely slays me.

For instance, I can remember the exact moment I heard it for the first time.

Summer.

I am dancing to this song at my grandparent’s fiftieth wedding anniversary.

I am twelve years old.

At one point everyone – all of the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, my grandparents – join hands and start dancing as one big group, moving to the centre of the circle and then back out again, whooping it up, laughing, smiling; just having an absolute blast.

The love I feel in that moment is so overwhelming I feel as though my heart is either going to burst from my chest and or leak out of my shoes. I so badly don’t want to cry, so instead I smile so wide that my cheeks ache and I swear I can feel a softball wedging its way halfway down my throat.

So even though they are good tears, I don’t want to make a scene, as I am sure no one would be able to understand the myriad of emotions that are running rabid about my body.

In the end, I actually have to go to the bathroom to gather up my wits, as eventually no amount of nutty smiling could keep my tears inside of me any longer.

My body is wracked by deep, guttural sobs, and I desperately blot at my eyes with scratchy paper towel.

It’s a strange (sense) memory, I know, but I will always, always long this song.

And Rod.

I will definitely always adore him.

You talk to a log?

So.

Twin Peaks.

Erm.

I just watched the first episode on Netflix last night.

M kept explaining how he thinks the show is a blend of a Kids in the Hall sketch and how he wishes he life could be.

I don’t know how to take this. Like, at all.

Anyways, I know that the people who love this show, love it like I love a Rod Stewart song, so I definitely don’t want to alienate any rabid David Lynch fans out there.

Suffice to say that I haven’t watched nearly enough of the show to formulate a decent opinion, so I will hold my tongue until I have the chance to immerse myself further in the program.

The one thing I will say is that so far is – V.V. WEIRD.

(But, again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.)

Just a v. v. weird thing.

Onwards!

Sweet, sweet charity.

If one of you could please purchase this and send it to me, boy would I ever be thankful:

(I don’t even need the hat.)

Also, I can repay you in excellent shrimp fajitas and apple-blueberry crisp.

I have references.

…

What are you mad hatters up to for the weekend? Are you Twin Peaks fans? Also, let me know if you need my mailing address.

Finally, please pray for mojo that the downpour stays away and I’m not washed down the drain on the course come Sunday.

Because if I’m not running like the wind, I’ll be streaming by like the rain.

There was a star danced, and under that was I born

Hey kids,

I’m going to apologize right off the bat for a post that is going to be a ridiculous mishmash of thoughts, ideas, pictures, and song.

It’s like a “we need to eat these leftovers before they go bad” casserole, over here.

I’m throwing anything and everything into this dish. So just let me know if you need some ketchup, or BBQ sauce, or what have you.

I’ll be on it.

It is Monday after all.

And, do you know how I know dear readers, that today was in fact a Monday?

I’ll tell you.

You see, this was my breakfast:

And this was my lunch:

Not exactly the healthiest of choices, heavens no, but certainly one of the tastiest. I know I’ve written about these apple fritters before, and I just need to reiterate one more time just how fricken stellar they truly are.

And because they are the size of a small cat, they pretty much count as two meals in one.

I know, I know – NOT HEALTHY!

But oh, so delicious.

Because I’m running around at work like a running around working thing, today at lunch I made an effort to pry myself away from my desk and go for a walk.

When I’m not laughing myself into six pack abs trying on the absolute barmiest outfit combinations I can find, I like to torture myself by modelling all the beautiful pieces of clothing I will never be able to afford.

Sometimes I stroll through Holt Renfrew at a snail’s pace, staring into the Prada showroom, devouring all the couture gowns that hang off of the mannequins, or are draped over banquettes and loveseats (or the arms of a wealthy patron.)

I tell you, it’s a pretty interesting sensation to ride the escalator behind someone whose bloody SUNGLASSES are worth more than your entire ensemble.

It’s also a little scary.

Today I tried on this skirt from Club Monaco.

IMG-20120423-00044 — Sparkles! Pleats! LOVE!

I must say that I kind of really loved it.

AND, it was sixty percent off – though by no means cheap (even still after the discount), it had pleats and sparkles, which are pretty much my favourite things ever when it comes to clothing accoutrements, so I think I will have to go back tomorrow and purchase it.

As long as I don’t find something even more sparkly and pleated in the interim.

(I’m a bit like a hummingbird in that way. My attention span can be quickly taken over by -Ooerrr…SHINEY THINGS!)

Speaking of moving from one thing to the next without absolutely zero transition, please, PLEASE, listen to this song by Sarah Slean, about which I currently cannot get enough of:

I have been a dancing woman since getting home today, listening to it on repeat.

(I don’t even know how many times I’ve listened to it while writing this post. I’ve completely lost count.)

If I was currently using my ipod at the gym, this would be the only thing on my running playlist.

It actually makes me so happy I feel like crying.

And I know that’s pretty cheesy and all, and sometimes I feel like I oscillate wildly from one emotion to the next, and I do regularly find myself so overcome by events that transpire all over the world (pretty much to the point of paralysis), but I am also aware of how much beauty I have in my life, and how fortunate I am in so many ways.

Despite of course, having two-toned hair from my (continually craptastic) dye job.

2012-04-21 15.30.15 — The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.

Seriously guys, what is wrong with me? How am I so, SO bad at this?

Yikes.

In the meantime, however, let’s just keep dancing.

And eating apple fritters.

And sparkling. Like stars.

Until the day we supernova; fade away.