Good night, good night!
Parting is such sweet sorrow;
That I shall say good night
Till it be morrow.
Tag: Comedy
Will you still need me?
I do love that red brick.
Wait a second…
YEP.
Who wants to join me?
I could do this all day long
So.
Of late, Canadian politics have been going through one heck of a WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS!? phase.
Toronto’s mayor is smoking crack, and when he’s not doing all of the drugs, he’s firing all of his staff.
Our senators are being audited up the yin yang due to their outrageous expenses.
The Prime Minister’s (now former) chief of staff cut a $90,000 personal cheque TO ONE OF SAID SENATORS, before resigning after the entire country found out about what he’d done.
SPOILER: The country wasn’t pleased.
MPs are now leaving the (ruling) Conservative Party, while others are being welcomed back – because HEY! It turns out that in the end they didn’t need to comply with that breathalyzer?
Good grief.
Oh, and yesterday it was revealed that Nigel Wright – the aforementioned former chief of staff to ol’ STEVIE HARPS (our PM) – had control of a secret fund while he was working in the Prime Minister’s Office.
This was, of course, at the same time that he cut the now infamous $90,000 “personal cheque” to disgraced Senator Mike Duffy.
Damage control. UR DOING IT RONG>
Now, the bright side of this last (bonkers) revelation, is that after it came to light, #PMOSecretFundPurchases began trending on twitter.
People immediately started coming up with the funniest (and wittiest) jokes about what this fund was actually being used for.
Now, being the HUGE Canadian political nerd that I am, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in on the fun.
So may I present to you, what just may be, my finest work to date.
Disclaimer: This probably won’t make sense to anyone who doesn’t live in Canada, or follow our politics.
To everyone else – ENJOY!
I was just going to see your boss. Tell Jabba I’ve got his money.
Because, well, sometimes it must be done.
Big things, little things, everywhere a thing thing
Things! Things! Things!
There are so many things of which we must speak!
So let’s get cracking…
Bad McDonald’s ads.
These just squick me right out.
I know much of this is due to the fact that I am (at the base of it all) an immature degenerate (seriously dudes, whatever veneer of sensibility and maturity I manage to project is shellacked on with a trowel EVERY MORNING) BUT –
I cannot be the only one who thinks this, right?
I mean, who chose these descriptors? Yes, sex sells BLAHBLAHBLAH, but when I am eating your crappy fast food, the last, LAST thing on my mind is getting down and funky.
In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings are literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.
And if it isn’t when I started eating said foodstuffs, it certainly is by the time I’ve finished. The end of a McDonald’s meal is always defined by the mild, yet lingering aftertaste of self-loathing, and the enduring curiosity as to whether anyone will ever again find me attractive.
(At least in the non-ironic sense.)
Don’t worry – I make my own bed. I know what I’m getting myself into, and yet, I NEVER STOP DOING IT.)
The long and short of it is – these ads are terrible and they make me uncomfortable for the thirty seconds or so I have to wait for my train to take me home.
AND THAT IS TOO LONG.
Why would you buy that?
People who live in Vancouver are officially insane.
I mean, who in their right mind would pay THAT MUCH MONEY for zero square footage? And what is even four hundred square feet?
Is there a place for you to hang your hammock, or does that cost more?
I can only assume that this arrangement has people peeing off of their (miniscule) balconies, and showering solely on days that it rains.
(Luckily this is Vancouver, so that averages out to quite a few cleaning days per year.)
Plus –
FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY SQUARE FEET!?
My head hurts.
Someone get me something TENDER and RIPE.
Just kidding!
Watch it.
After seeing this watch on Jubilant Sea’s blog there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop myself from buying it.
BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BEST OF LIFE.
It has a map!
A wonky map of the world!
I could wear the saddest, least colourful outfit in the world, and as long as I was wearing this watch, I would feel like a main stage player at Paris fashion week.
(I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sticking with it.)
Wedding dresses.
So I am in quite a few weddings this summer because all the people that I know and love are getting married which is SO EXCITING.
And as such, I need to procure some vestments that I may wear while I witness these many exchanges of rings and vows, etcetera etcetra.
Today on my lunch break I managed to wrangle TWO dresses – one for my sister in-law’s wedding in August, and one for my sister’s wedding that is coming up SO SOON at the beginning of July.
The latter dress is one with which I have been enamored for many moons, after walking by Club Monaco a bagillion times and swooning every time I saw it in the window display.
I tried to hold out as long as I could, but today I caved and tried it on and I LOVE IT SO MUCH GUYS.
Seriously, I just love it.
SO MUCH.
…
In other news, for the first time since 1994 I have a weekend with absolutely nothing planned, which THANK GOODNESS, because I have my half-marathon in three very short weeks, and if I’ve going to run a sub-1:30 I better get back on the training path AND QUICK.
IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.
In other great, GREAT news (concerning the run), I have already raised $1,035 for Big Sisters, and counting! I am running for the organization, and all the proceeds raised go directly to helping match new Bigs with the current waitlist of Littles.
If you are interested in learning more about our efforts, you can do so here.
Otherwise, I plan on doing nothing but eating a lot of Nutella and watching an entire season of MI5.
Is it just me, or does Lukas North get hotter the second time around?
Just me?
Bueller?
Happy Friday you beauty cats!
I wish for you nothing but greatness, and awe.
Rant and Roll 