Food – Page 3 – Rant and Roll

Something to sink my teeth into

Have you ever been in a situation where you know that you should leave well enough alone, but then you just go ahead and make it worse anyway?

I have.

For instance –

Yesterday I was at the dentist for my six month check-up.

I hadn’t had a chance to eat much for lunch that day, so I ate a GIANT cheese bun on my way over to the clinic.

(I knew that I wouldn’t be able to eat for half an hour after my cleaning, and as such I knew that if I didn’t eat I would be absolutely ravenous by the time I got home, and as such, one grumpy, grumpy girl.)

So there I was, chomping away for all of Canada, getting both cheese and bun stuck in my teeth.

Now, I’m not one for showing up to the dentist with food mashed between my molars (I just figure that’s poor form) so I thought it would also be best to stop in at the dollar store and procure an inexpensive toothbrush, toothpaste, and flossing set.

I tell ya, you can always count on Dollar-ama.

Anywho, I got my gear, and make it to the dentist with plenty of time to spare to rid my mouth of any offending food particles.

I set up shop in the bathroom and got down to business.

Right away it started off wrong.

All the bits that I was flossing out of my teeth kept splattering all over the bathroom mirror.

It was like food fireworks.

I even tried to stop myself, and yet it didn’t matter.

When I was finished, the bathroom (but especially the mirror) was just littered with cheese bun detritus.

I stood there debating whether or not I should try to clean it up, wondering if taking a paper towel to the glass would just make it worse.

In the end, I gave it a shot and low and behold –

IT JUST MADE IT WORSE.

I tried to take a photo just to show how awful the mirror looked by the time I had finished, but unfortunately it didn’t come out all that well.

You’ll just have to take my word for it – I left that bathroom in quite the state.

Good grief.

At least my teeth received an A+?

…

Elsewhere –

Here is my polka dot dress!

And here is what Marc and I are just about to sit down to:

I cannot wait to floss it all out of my teeth.

Happy Friday to you all!

When I was young, I never needed anyone

Things I love to do by myself:

1. Eat dinner. Whether at home, or at a restaurant, sometimes it’s nice to just grab a bite solo. This can mean anything from yam fries and a glass of prosecco while reading the latest Esquire, to snacking on sushi whilst sitting on a sun-drenched patio.

Tonight it was the latter, and it was glorious.

2. Watch a movie. I never really get why people get so shirty about the idea of going to see a film on their own. I mean, movies are not inherently social outings, AM I RIGHT? And if they are, well, that just means you are doing it wrong.

DON’T PRETEND THIS ISN’T THE TRUTH.

People who talk in movies must face the wrath of humanity. It is a fact that they will eventually contract the bubonic plague, or have all their toenails fall off solely due to the fact that they don’t obey the rules of the movie going experience.

Now, I actually don’t watch movies in the theatre anymore (seriously, I cannot remember the last flick I saw at a multiplex), but once upon a time I relished the opportunity to walk past a famous players and decide on a whim to catch a show.

That was nice.

3. Run. I cannot run with others. When I try, I get all weirdly competitive and passive aggressive, and I am just the worst. And for this I apologize.

4. Shop. I should begin by qualifying that I actually really, really love shopping with other people. Friends, family, husbands – I’ll take ’em all, and we’ll have a great time trying stuff on. But when it comes down to brass tacks, and I know that there is a specific “it” I need to procure – be it a gift, or a dress, or a pair of shoes?

Well then I need to venture out into the retail wilds on my own.

Because I go rogue baby.

ROGUE!

5. Cook. It drives me crazy when people don’t clean as they cook. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY?

Clean and cook or die.

(Or just don’t cook with me. That seems easier, doesn’t it?)

…

What about you dudes? What activities do you like to partake in, all alone and on your own?

I will sit here by myself, and read about them.

Straight to the point

Some snaps from around the block:

Tulips.

Smelling the flowers.

Morrocan eats.

Business cat.

Saturday morning.

I think I forgot to mention it earlier, but last Thursday I was a presenter at Rain City Chronicles. I told the story of my bonkers journey down the wedding aisle. It was a fabulous night of story and song, and I feel super honoured to have had the chance to contribute to this great Vancouver arts event.

In family news, this past weekend my sister came to town for an (all too brief) visit. I was so excited because on Friday she finally got to come see one of my gigs. It was the first time that she and her betrothed got to see me on stage, doing my joke thing.

I also got to interview her last night on Vancouver Co-op Radio. If you want to listen to the show, you can do so here.

This week it is much of the same – stand-up tomorrow and Wednesday, some volunteer work, and hopefully many opportunities to run about in the sunshine.

What about you all?

For my part, I hope all of you are awash in beauty and light.

You must be joking

Some snaps from around the pond of late:

Animals.

Begbie, a nine week old Boston terrier puppy, chewing on my coat.

The beauty cat, surveying her territory.

Food.

Rocky road cupcakes.

Sushisushisushi.

Cappuccino and apricot torte.
Performing.

On stage at the Rio Theatre last Friday night.

…

So.

Remember when I told you last month about that contest that I won, and how I had moved on to the finals being held this month?

Well, I ended up winning the finals!

They were held last Friday, and I took home first prize, and $500! Amaaaaazing!

I pretty much have the BEST FRIENDS OF LIFE, many of whom came out and cheered me on, which means the absolute world to me. I’m just happy that I could put on a good show – for not only them, but for everyone!

So buckle up kids, because I really feel like this train is leaving the station.

WOOT WOOT.

Love in the little things

Things that I love.

Marc’s cold hairy knees pressing into the backs of my (warm, hairless) knees, as we spoon together at night.

That first sip of vanilla latte – all sweet steamed milk, espresso and foam.

Finally smelling spring in the air.

The funny way my big sister always says, “Oh hellooooo” at the beginning of our Skype calls.

Short sundresses.

Telling a joke and then pausing, so to let the audience’s laughter wash over me, like a wave made out of happiness.

Managing the trifecta of hair removal – leg shave, armpit shave, brow pluck – ALL IN ONE GO.

When my little sister calls me WAWA.

Finally watching 30Rock.

My poppy-red coat that makes me feel like Paddington Bear.

Kitten kisses.

Cleaning the shower REALLY WELL (and then using it right away.)

Eating chocolate covered cinnamon buns.

Sprinting so hard until I feel as though the only way to put out the fire in my lungs is to barf them right up.

My mum’s broken sarcasm detector. (“Oh that’s not true…IS IT!?”)

Looking at myself in the mirror and thinking I look really pretty today.

Laughing with friends until I think I am going to pee my pants.

Quoting Arrested Development, The Big Lebowski, A Fish Called Wanda, Rushmore, Love Actually, and Mean Girls all the gosh-darned time.

She doesn’t even go here…

Having a mad dance party in my underwear, in a Top Shop change room because the song playing at that very moment was just too good not to.

Boardwalk brunches.

This.

My brilliant friends.

My amazing family.

My beautiful man.

You.

Never forget.

Always, always you.