To whom it may concern – Page 37

Ready to rock, ready to roll

Hi Kids!

Happy, happy Friday! I am so excited I could just dance.

(I know this because I have been dancing most of the morning.)

I have been a busy little bee for the last couple of weeks, getting all my big projects and articles completed, so today is mostly just housekeeping – the little odds and ends.

And thank goodness, as there is nothing I want more for my Christmas hols than to be blissfully unplugged, and oh-so relaxed.

I will be a zen master, extraordinaire.

So let’s get the meditation train rolling with a festive and fun Friday Fry-up!

Do it, do it.

Dressed to impress.

So last night I performed at a local pro-am stand-up night, and I got to wear a brand-spanking new outfit.

It. Was. Awesome.

Ch-ch-check it:

I always like to wear fun outfits whenever I am on stage, and boy was I ever excited to debut this little number.

I had spent my lunch break shopping and bopping about the downtown core with my partner in crime Ms. Jen, and when I espied these two pieces my brain near exploded out of the top of my head.

(In a good way – not in a Zeus birthing Athena kind of way, as bad-ass as that was.)

I purchased the shirt from Joe Fresh (fashion mecca #2) and look, look!

Check out the back:

Isn’t it lovely? I can going to wear the absolute heck out of it over the course of the winter break.

The skirt I procured from Club Monaco (my would-be-fashion go-to if I had more disposable cash dollars) and I was completely chuffed to find out that it was majorly marked down, because goodness knows I couldn’t resist its colour or its whimsical cut.

What can I say, I’m a sucker for anything that was meant for twirling.

And this skirt makes you want to twirl forever.

And you know what?

Me and my brilliant get-up totally rocked the house down – talking about crappy Christmas carols, humble-braggers, and beard shampoo.

You know, the works.

Next!

Marshmallow madness.

So it was during our shopping adventure that Jen and I came across this monstrosity:

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HECK IS THIS!?

H&M, I love ya, but seriously, you’ve got some major explaining to do.

Is this what our snuggy culture has come too?

I mean, I’m all for comfort, but I have never, ever driven past a Michelin Tire Store and thought to myself, “Man, I would totally dress like their mascot, it’s just too bad that there’s nothing out there that could help me fulfill this wish!”

Oh!

And another thing!

THIS IS VANCOUVER.

The coldest it ever gets here is maybe minus ten.

Even if it were to get that cold – and it most likely won’t – the city would probably just shut down, so no one would need ever leave their house, let alone struggle their way into a mobile sleeping bag.

Where’s the blinking majesty I ask?

YEESH.

Sing, sing, sing it!

I won’t bore you to death with the Christmas songs I love to loathe (or just plain loathe) – as suffice to say there are many.

(Plus I don’t want to piss anyone off, as I know that there are many out there that hold dear the tunes that make me want to scrap my eyeballs out of their sockets with a rusty socket wrench.)

So I instead, I thought I would share a few of my favourites with you all, in the hope that they too might take up place in your holiday-themed hearts.

First – At Last I’m Ready for Christmas, by Stan Rogers.

I LOVE THIS SONG. It is basically the theme of my life around this time of year.

Second – O Holy Night, by the Barra MacNeils.

Lucy MacNeil will never not bring tears to my eyes.

Third – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, by Brenda Lee.

CLASSIC. Nuff said.

…

So there you have it my darlings!

I am bouncing off the walls, and I can only hope that you are too.

Wishing you a weekend of laugher, love, and light!

You all sure do brighten up my life.

My Christmas wish(es)

So.

First things first.

Look what happened this morning!

Talk about magic.

Now, on to the important stuff.

The brilliant Ms. J from Ambling and Rambling (the big sister blog to ye olde Rant and Roll) has asked me to pen my 2012 Christmas wishes, as, interestingly enough, one of her Christmas wishes.

How very meta.

So it’s got me thinking (literally, I’ve put on my pondering cap and everything) as to what is it that I want most, for not necessarily myself, but for the entire world as we head into the holidays and New Year.

So let’s just dive right in, shall we?

It’s going to be a doozy.

First, I wish that a fitting punishment be doled out to all these offenders listed below:

– escalator standers

– sidewalk shufflers

– gym grunters

– movie talkers

– chair kickers

– mouth breathers

– staff meeting monologuers

– perpetual cell phone checkers

– non-signalling drivers

– mansplainers

ESPECIALLY MANSPLAINERS.

They are the absolute worst.

Don’t know a mansplainer?

They are those dudes who, because they’re a dude, like to corner women at parties, or bars, or their offices, or the bus stop, and explain to them what it’s like to be a woman, and what, as a woman, they should be doing with their life.

As a woman.

Yeah.

My reaction to this phenomenon is always the same:

THANKS TIPS BUT I’M DOING JUST FINE.

Yeesh.

As punishment, these individuals will have to complete a minimum sentence of twenty years of hard labour, to be served on Baffin Island, carrying rocks from one coastline to the other.

And back again.

However, in a bid to seem lenient, it will be their choice as to whether the rocks are carried North-South or East-West .

(I want to see fair, after all.)

Next!

My second wish is that anyone thinking about getting a pet next year, first looks at adoption options, before purchasing their little one.

There are so just many animals out there that need our help. And if you don’t believe me, just watch that awful Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercial.

(You know, the one that destroys viewers with all those clips of abused and sick puppies and kittens.)

ACK.

I get choked up just thinking about it.

(Seriously, if your heart doesn’t break into ten thousand pieces by the 2.7 second mark of that ad, congratulations, you are officially a psychopath.)

Anyways, what I’m trying to say here is that it would make such a difference if more people looked into their local shelters before buying, because there are so many awesome little gals and guys currently available for adoption who need a warm and loving place to call home.

It was actually at our neighbourhood SPCA that we found Ms. Nymeria, and as you may have guessed, we couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) imagine our life now without her.

(Even when she’s limbering up her killing paw.)

Phew. Where did all this rain falling on my face come from?

Onwards!

Third on the docket is my wish that Hot Chip returns to Vancouver ASAP, so that I can once again dance my mad face off to them in concert.

(HOW SELFISH CAN I GET, RIGHT?)

But seriously, looking back on the past three hundred and fifty-odd days, this concert was a major musical highlight (in a year already defined by many, many boughts of tonal awesomeness.)

So Alexis Taylor, et. al., – I implore you. Get your groovetastic selves back to Vancity, and STAT.

Over, and over, and over, again.

Side note: I kind of feel like I’m writing a Friday Fry-up here. But on a Wednesday. MIND BLOWN.

Finally, my Christmas wish (my real one) is for the whole world to just take a moment, and CHILL OUT.

Just stop.

Stop fighting.

Stop shooting.

Stop bombing.

Stop spending.

Stop talktalktalking.

Instead –

Start listening.

Start learning.

Start dialogue.

Start change.

Make change.

Make time.

Make beauty.

See beauty.

Love.

See love.

Be love.

Reflect.

Revise.

Breathe.

Believe.

Take one moment, and believe.

Because I believe our world can be better – little by little, person by person.

I believe we can make it better.

And so that is my wish.

I wish for all others to believe.

Dressed in holiday style

Hi Chickadees,

T’is the last week before the lovely Mr. M and I begin our Christmas hols in earnest. I am so very ready to hang up my hat and to celebrate the end of 2012 in style.

My husband has been sleeping on average three hours a night, and working eighteen hours a day, so I can only imagine how ready he is for a vacation.

I am also trying to figure out how much I can possibly stuff in my carry-on suitcase, because the last thing that I want to do when flying clear across this massive country is check my luggage, as there are just too many ways for it to be lost betwixt here and YHZ.

Canada is great for many things (ex. maple syrup, universal healthcare, Rick Mercer), however there are times when I think living someplace – Switzerland, say – would be so much easier, particularly whilst making travel plans.

See also: cheese and chocolate selection, tennis players, and bank accounts.

This weekend was a mixed bag of Bollywood comedies, cookie making madness, freezing runs, brief snowfalls, open mics, and new episodes of The Hour on Netflix.

Seriously dudes, if you’re not watching this show START NOW.

It’s some of the best television I’ve seen in quite some time.

In the interim, here are some snaps from life here in the madhouse:

Cookie monsters.

IMG_2693 - Copy — Getting ready to rumble.

And then I was all - — And then I was all –

IMG_2706 - Copy — Pretty much all of these have been eaten.

Early morning beauty.

Bookshelf love.

IMG_2711 - Copy — This is what happiness reads like.

Fire cat.

IMG_2709 - Copy — Wrapping is hard work.

Tonight we are off to deck the halls (with boughs of holly) at M’s parents house, and trim their tree with happiness and care.

(Although when I asked him what he was most excited to put on the tree, the madman just kept repeating “turkey.” We shall see how well that turns out. Also, re-read the sentence about him being massively sleep deprived.)

Happy Monday you beauty cats!

May it be oh so merry and bright.

All the world’s a stage

Hi friends.

I am so excited to be writing today’s post it’s a little silly.

So let’s just get right to it shall we?

Fry-up time!

Minty fresh.

On Tuesday I made mint pea soup and parmesan toast:

Out here on the west coast, it has been raining like a raining thing and I find that once our days reach a certain level of murk, all I want to do is make (and eat) hot, healthy foods and curl up in front of the fire.

Hence the need to whip up a fresh batch of this glorious green concoction.

Now, whenever I eat/make pea soup, I always think about that scene at the beginning of The Rescuers Down Under (we’re talking high art here folks), where Bernard takes Bianca out for a really fancy dinner (with the express intention of proposing to her).

Side note: I will always stand by my opinion that The Rescuers – the original movie – was always the better movie of the two.

Anyway, the mice and all the other animals are actually dining in the chandelier of an incredibly well-to-do (human) restaurant. A pea falls off the plate of one of the human dishes, only to be promptly scooped up by one of the animal waiters (a very posh-looking grasshopper), who then slingshots it up to the animal kitchen.

There, a chef – also a grasshopper – takes the pea and turns it into soup.

Now, what made this short, but memorable scene so brilliant (to six year old me) is the way both of these characters exclaim “pea soup!” with such enthusiasm and hilarity.

And as a child I could never, ever, get enough of their enunciation and tone.

And to this day, it still cracks me up.

So of course, every time I sit down to a bowl I absolutely have to say “pea soup!” just like a posh grasshopper waiter-or-chef.

Seriously, check it out for yourself:

And believe me, once you start, you won’t stop.

Onwards!

Taking a stand.

So.

I promised to post it as soon as I had the chance, and well, here it is!

My stand-up routine.

Meep.

Full disclaimer – this video contains some not-so-safe for work language. I make a concerted effort to communicate in this here blog without any swears, but I must confess that when I get on stage they are much harder to contain.

I do so hope that you enjoy it.

p.s. My name is Vanessa Woznow. Erm…hi?

A good word.

One of my most-loved things to do in preparation for the holidays is purchase beautiful little cards and send them to all my family and friends.

This year I chose gorgeous doves! And penguins sledding down a hill!

(This photo is also excellent evidence that I cannot keep myself away from sparkle – even in card form.)

Last night I prepared all of my cards for my rad work mates and for my family’s cousin Christmas card swap – a tradition born out of my grandfather’s passing five years ago.

He used to send us each a personalized card every December 25^th, and we want to keep the memory alive by making sure we stay in touch over the holiday season.

What makes it even more special is that this year I will get to see so many of them in person.

And goodness knows I CANNOT WAIT.

(Double eep!)

…

So there you have it beauty cats.

Soup, comedy, and cards – the trifecta dominating my thoughts on these dark and dreary, and oh-so late autumn evenings.

I hope all of your weekends are filled with love, laughter, and light.

Because goodness knows, Nymeria and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Love is all around me

Hi kitty cats!

My lovely man snapped this bonkers photo of me late Saturday night (actually now that I think about it, it was more like early Sunday morning) after returning home from two shindigs with our lovely friends.

I shouted down from upstairs that I needed him to take a photo of my skirt and as I raced downstairs this is what happened:

I kind of love it.

Almost as much as I love this skirt.

Either way, ho hum, pigs bum.

And elsewhere in the cosmic kitchen –

Kitten love.

Fondue festivities.

All the noms were enjoyed in this photo. Oh yes.

Also, in cool news on the comedy front, I was invited to perform at an open mic in Surrey on Sunday night (and I did it! HUZZAH!)

This turned out to be excellent fun times. I brought a rad posse of bad-ass friends to keep me company, as I was a little nervous about being the only girl comic there – as I imagine this position to be one with some inherent loneliness.

I can only imagine how nuts it would have been had I showed up and just proceeded to read some Brothers Karamazov while waiting to do my set.

Actually, I kind of want to do that next time just to see the reaction.

Good grief.

I am also going to be performing at a Pro-Am show on December 20th.

Meep.

So things are happening! Funny things are happening!

In the meantime, I am actually dead alive on my feet after a weekend of madcappery and brilliance.

On Friday night I met up with a fab friend for a post-work drink, and goodness gracious was that ever a laugh and a half.

Seriously dudes, when I say that all the laughs were belong to us, THIS IS NO JOKE.

We also might be clinically insane.

As I rode skytrain home I kept trying to read my book but couldn’t because I just kept giggling like a bloody loon. People were looking at me like I was absolutely mad.

(Not a heck of a lot different from my everyday experience, but hey, at least I’m always enjoying myself, right?)

When I got home M had prepared for us an amazing fondue feast and we gorged ourselves on gruyere before retiring to our newly transformed Christmas den (aka living room) to watch Love Actually and drink scotch (him) and tea (me.)

Don’t think I’ll ever be able to do the scotch thing, but it seems as though Mr. M is turning into el suavo extraordinaire.

Such a total, total, stud.

The rest of the weekend was a whirlwind of parties, runs, cleaning sprees, gift shopping, and catch-up brunches (are there any other kind?)

Goodness I hope not.

What did you all get up to this weekend?

I want to hear all about it.

(And that’s no joke.)