Finding my balance

I went to bed at nine o’clock on Monday night.

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Pretty much my life right now.

I slept right through the night until my alarm went off at six forty the next morning.

I think my body might be telling me something.

Now folks – I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, yammering on and on about how tired I am ALL THE TIME, and how I feel like a recommended serving of peanut butter spread much too thin across the English Muffin of life.

BUT I AM.

On Sunday night my husband turned to me and asked, “How many nights this week do you have nothing planned? And by nothing, I mean, no comedy, no volunteering, no training, no writing, and no hangouts.”

I sat there, struck dumb like a statue, my mouth hanging slightly ajar, like a broken garage door.

“Ummmm….” I said.

“One? If one at all?” He questioned me, exasperated.

(Said exasperation stemming from his concern for the current state of both my mental and physical health.)

Now, technically the answer was none (as I am in fact taking part in things every day this week) but I managed to fudge the numbers just enough so that I could somewhat confidently state:

“One. I have one night this week where I don’t have anything planned.”

“Oh yeah?” He asked. “Which night is that?”

“Friday,” I answered.

“Friday doesn’t count! It’s basically the weekend!”

Alas, I could not argue with this logic.

You see, I have this weird duality to me – part of me NEEDS to be constantly busy, to the point where I have activities and obligations pouring out of my ears.

I mean, I absolutely love every project and organization that I am involved with.

Too much time on my hands really does make me go all squirrely.

But on the other hand, I get to points in my life where I feel so utterly burned out that I start to feel as though I am operating on auto-pilot – flying through my days at light speed.

And if I don’t find a place to make an emergency landing I’ll run out of gas.

So now I turn to you my darling readers.

Do any of you have any tips or tricks for instilling balance in your life? Or do you too careen about at full speed, too enamoured with your passions to be able to operate at a more leisurely pace?

Do let me know.

Any advice you have will be truly appreciated.

And in the interim, I’ll be over here, cooling my jets. Before I go out in about, two hours.

The show, after all, must go on.

You can’t handle the truth!

Everybody lies.

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At least so quoth the ever enigmatic, and exceptionally surly Dr. Gregory House who both angered and titillated thirty million North American television viewers at the height of the program’s popularity.

And he was right.  Most people, as much as they would like to admit otherwise, distort the truth in one way or another (sometimes even on a daily basis.)

Why, it’s bloody hard not to.  Take the classic example:

A: “Hi!”

B: “Hi!”

A: “How are you?”

B: “Good!  How are you?”

A: “Good!”

This exchange is the absolute worst. Not only is it shallow and formulaic, but it actually makes me think that we are preconditioned to not tell the truth.

I mean, when talking about fleeting exchanges (picture you and the other person as two ships in the night), I can pretty much guarantee that neither of you actually wants to know how the other is doing when you ask.  It is but a mere formality – an extension of the actual greeting.

In fact, hihowareyoudoing is one pretty much one word, the opener, which is expected under normal greeting circumstances,  while finegreatgoodokay is the expected answer, the closer.

End of story.

Both parties may walk away satisfied.

I can totally understand why in some cultures you don’t even bother asking this question unless you are prepared to really find out how that person is – because, really, otherwise what’s the point?

Now, I am willing to concede that there is probably at least one of you out there, shaking your head, thinking to yourself, “I always tell the truth no matter how I’m feeling!”

So dear reader, if you manage to actually (sincerely) articulate how you are doing every time someone asks you, I bow down to you and your amazing resolve.

I would also like to meet you.

And your friends.

(KIDDING!)

As for me?

I’ve been known to tell a few porky pies.  And not just about how I was feeling.

I’ve told my husband that I have eaten breakfast when I haven’t, just because he likes to eat right away in the morning and I don’t, and I once told the mother of one of the kids I tutored that I got migraines instead of just outright quitting the job.

(That was one strange kid, believe you me.)

I would watch as these little white lies fluttered out of my mouth, like ivory-winged moths escaping the dark, searching for a light.  They would burn up, the farther up they fly, and I wondered, as I watched them disappear, what purpose did they serve?

To answer this question, I once spent a week day trying not to lie.

Which I found to be hard.  Very hard.

I was unsuccessful on many fronts.  But mostly I was incapable of getting over the hihowareyou hurdle.  No matter how hard I tried, goodgood seemed to get away from me without my noticing.

Every time I would have to take back my words and try again.  But even then I couldn’t successfully complete the task.

What can I say? I’ve been programmed.

And I’m okay with that.

Because otherwise I like to believe that I lead a fairly transparent, truthful life.

And let me tell you this: when I ask you how all you beauty cats are doing, I mean so with the most sincerity.

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This is me asking you, “HOW ARE YA DOING CHAP?”

And that, I promise, is no lie.

Things I think about when I run

Do you talk to yourself when you exercise?

Because goodness knows I do.

These are the things I thought about over the course of my 6km training run:

Holy frick, I FEEL AMAZING.

My strides are suuuuper. Suuuuper strides.

Hmmm. If I have a particularly saucy dream about someone, could they possibly be having the same dream? URG, stop thinking about this at once.

Okay. How do people go down staircases two steps at a time and not kill themselves?

I don’t actually like pesto as much as I think I do. It’s just SO oily.

I wonder why I also put that extra “s” into obsessive. It’s rather an obsession. OMG I AM SO WITTY.

Stop that.

I am going to cook the crap out of dinner tonight.

Man, what is UP with Canadian politics at the moment? And is Justin Trudeau really going to run for Liberal leadership? He could call his campaign “Just In Time.” And play that album by Justin Timberlake.

Actually, that will probably guarantee his total defeat at the polls.

Don’t do that Justin.

This route is so beautiful and the weather is pretty much perfect. Even if it’s getting cooler every day. The sunrise this morning was so striking it took my breath away.

Not enough people take the time to pause and just let this beauty pour over them. Through them.

Okay Hallmark, get a grip.

Good grief – that lady is just out smoking her joint! And she’s totally, totally a proper OLD. Between her and the dude outside of Douglas College, my day has been chock-a-block full of smoker sightings.

So, like, do people just smoke weed out in the open these days? Is this a thing now?

If I was forced to take a drug test at the end of this run I would have to claim a Ross Rebagliati .

What ever happened to that guy?

Also, someone really needs to bankroll my entirely new wardrobe from Club Monaco.

Jeeze, does anyone even like Banana Republic? AND SERIOUSLY I HATE THEIR NAME SO MUCH – WHY DOESN’T ANYONE EVER TALK ABOUT THIS? I am going to open a competitor clothier and call it “Uneven economic development and social stratification R US”

That may require an acronym.

Oh yeah baby, not even breaking a sweat! Do it do it do it.

That outhouse should probably be cleaned.

Darn it. M has strata tonight which means an empty house for most of the evening.

On the plus side ALL THE DROP DEAD DIVA IS BELONG TO ME.

I own quite a few dresses. I really am going to do that project where I wear all of them and take photos in the exact same post with the exact same backdrop because of course everyone wants to see that.

Mostly I just want to wear all the pretty dresses.

I will call the project “Playing Dress-Up” OR OR OR “Dressing on the Side.”

Hah, I AM witty.

Get out of here.

NO I’M WISE.

Looklooklook that that dog it is wearing a sweater! With little ears on the hood! CUTECUTECUTE. Thooouuggghh…he probably hates his life.

Yep, in total agony fo sho.

K, that driver totally didn’t stop for me at the crosswalk. I hope he gets crabs in the bath.

Too much?

Either way – HOME.

Should I stretch?

Do you ever?

Touché, good lady. Touché. 

Fin.

We get those tongues wagging

Here are two conversations M and I had this weekend:

(P.S. I am still laughing)

[Scene One: Earls restaurant, patio. Saturday night, drinks and date night]

Me: You are a very good looking man.

M: [unintelligible gibberish]

Me: [laughing]

M/Me: [both continue laughing/trying to make each other laugh by making crazy faces]

Me: I’m trying to figure out what race you would belong to in Lord of the Rings. I used to always go with human – you’re a good shoe-in for Aragorn. But you also have quite a bit of hobbit in you. And elf. And dwarf.

M: What about orc?

Me. Yes, definitely orc. And uruk-hai.

M: Goblin?

Me: [thinking] Nah. Never goblin.

M: [nodding, playing with his wedding ring. Then, thinking to himself] Preeeeecccciiiooouussss….

Me: Oh goodness, of course. I have no idea how I didn’t think of that. You definitely, definitely have some Gollum in you too.

M: Hmmm…

[pause]

Me: [pretending to be all nonchalant] So, um, what race do you think I belong to?

M: [not taking a beat] Sauron.

Me: Hahahahahahahahahaha…ohhhh noooooo….

M: Not what you were looking for?

Me: You know I wanted you to say elf.

M: I know.

Me: I KNOW I’M LITHE AND BEAUTIFUL.

M/Me: [continuous laughing]

END SCENE.

[Scene Two: Driving home from restaurant. I cannot stop taking photos of the sky – the sky which I have been yammering on about all day long.]

Me: [taking a photo] ZOMG THE SKY IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

M: I know.

Me: The sun is SO huge, and the way the clouds are clustered that way is just magical. It seriously looks like the gateway to heaven.

M: It does look like heaven.

Me: I know I’ve been talking about it all day, but I honestly can’t get over how amazingly phenomenal this is. It literally takes my breath away. Even just looking at it is making me choke up…I really feel like I’m going to cry.

M: I have a feeling your period may be on its way.

Me: Hahahahahahahahahaha. [pause] That’s true.

Hope you all had a great weekend!