To whom it may concern – Page 32

Just blowin’ in the wind

Things:

I never sleep well going into a Monday.

Nutmeg and cardamom are two excellent spices that pair quite poorly with shrimp.

New shoes!

Even when I think I am sitting up straight, I’m probably still slouching.

My hair is so long that sometimes when I work out my ponytail gets stuck in my armpits.

Sometimes I imagine Brian Mulroney looking at his son, and then looking at Justin Trudeau, and then thinking, “HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?”

I really must remember to let my bras air dry. I don’t want to give away all my hard earned cash dollars to BIG BRASSIERE.

Donuts are really great.

So is a cup of milky, hot, sugary coffee.

(But never together.)

Dance parties are always worth it, even if it’s only with one other person.

Sometimes it rains sideways, and this makes training runs very uncomfortable.

Richard Ayoade is a stone cold fox.

TopShop is currently trolling us all, but –

Put a bird on it!

Yesterday Mr. M and I bought our tickets for the Big Apple and I am SO EXCITED.

I cannot speak, or write “cleaning out my closet” without pretending that I am Eminem.

I like peanut butter M&Ms best.

Also this:

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Today, the sun is shining and the sky is a light daisy blue – a treat the likes of which we have not seen for many, many moons.

It is mindboggling to think that we are already into March. Indeed – minutes, days, weeks (and months!) seem to be careening by in the blink of an eye.

I just signed up to run the ScotiaBank Half-Marathon with Team Big Sisters. I’m hoping to raise $1000.00 (the same amount as 2011, the last year that I fundraised with the organization.)

After taking some time off to rest my little bones, I am back to full-on training mode. I ran 16km this weekend, and am looking to slowly amp up the mileage as the seconds kick down to my first race of the season: The Sunshine Coast Half on April 7^th.

My darlings, do you ever feel as though you are standing the precipice of something huge, but you don’t know yet what it is?

I feel as though I am balancing precariously over a large, life-changing expanse, and I want so badly to jump into the void, only I cannot see what I will be getting myself into.

All my nerve endings seem to be extra-sensitive – and the winds of change are making my arm hairs stand on edge.

Maybe I will just have to Alice it – take a deep breath and crawl down the hole.

And if I catch a glimpse of a sign-post (pointing in any which direction), I will be sure to let you know.

Lovers to bed, tis almost fairy time.

Dudes.

A couple nights ago, as I was getting ready for bed (WAY, WAY PAST MY PREFERRED BEDTIME), I turned to my husband and said:

“I have a really great idea for what we should do this weekend.”

He paused, mid-floss and said, “Let’s hear it.”

“NOTHING,” I said. “Let’s do absolutely nothing.”

He laughed, and agreed, saying that my plan sounded tip-top, lindy hop.

Now comes the rub: We have to actually STICK TO THIS AGREEMENT.

(As you might imagine, the two of us have a really, really hard time saying no.)

The one event standing in the way of an extreme rest extravaganza is my stand-up gig tonight downtown (off which I am of course incredibly excited about.)

However, if I don’t concentrate on getting a whack-ton of rest post-show, it’ll be bad times in the Maritimes. Sure, the old adage may be I’ll sleep when I’m dead, but I don’t want that to come true next Thursday at approximately five thirty in the evening.

JUST SAYING.

Anywho, in the interim, let’s see what’s cooking in ye olde Cosmic Kitchen of life shall we?

FRY-UP TIME!

Lost in translation.

We received this flyer in our mailbox earlier this week:

Suffice to say that it did a fantastic job of bringing forth all the laughs.

Also, it serves as an excellent example of why individuals should really monitor their use of Google Translation, particularly the importance of not using it for translations longer than one sentence.

Although I do really like the idea of bringing back “trading hours.”

It makes me think that I’m living in the wild, wild west.

Or some turn of the century port town.

Either or really.

Onwards!

An assault on good taste.

I was grooving about the aisles of H&M the other day when I espied this mannequin:

HOLY SMOKES.

I just – I just don’t know anymore.

I was with a friend who was trying on ACTUAL clothing (like, fit to be seen in daylight and everything) so I didn’t really think it would be appropriate if I took off in order to scrounge up all the makings of this offending outfit, just so I could take a photo of myself in the dressing room and then kill myself laughing at my reflection.

(This is also why it is important that I don’t spend more time alone during my lunch hours.)

(Jen I love you!)

But seriously – is this what the cool kids are wearing these days? I mean, I’m all for keeping an open mind (I like to think I’m mellowing in my old age) but this is rather crazy.

Do the kids who wear this dreck even know Johnny Depp pre-Pirates of the Caribbean? I mean, even I’m too young to know Crybaby.

Also, I’m worried that we just aren’t trying to do anything new fashion-wise anymore and that we are just going to recycle everything from the 20th century over and over again, until the day the sun supernovas, and the stars fade away.

So stop making me have all this silly anxiety fashion world! Hop to it with the creativity!

Sheesh.

Sing it loud.

So I haven’t had many chances to curl up in front of the television of late, so unfortunately I have no tv or movie recommendations for you this Friday. Also, since we don’t have cable and netflix’s offerings have been total bollocks of late, I probably wouldn’t have anything even if I had tried.

On the other hand, I have been listening to some excellent tunes of late, courtesy of the ever fab Lumineers.

They hail from Denver, Colorado, and their awesome blend of folk rock has seen me dancing and singing around my house, like and dancing and singing thing.

So check them out:

I hope you like them as much as I do.

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There you have it, my fab chaps.

I hope that wherever you are, it is much dryer than we have it out West – that your days are filled with laughter and mirth, ridiculous take-out menus, and snappy, happy fashions.

You deserve it all, and more.

It’s a race!

Hey you fab cats!

So here it is – our audition video for the Amazing Race Canada:

What an incredibly flattering still, hey?

We spent Sunday afternoon putting this bad boy together and when I say that it was a lot of fun, THIS IS NO JOKE.

There was so much laughing to be had, and we had it all.

I should really look at putting together a blooper reel.

(Stay tuned.)

In the meantime, I am off to bed. I need to sleep about fifteen hours straight, and because that isn’t likely going to happen, I really have to take what I can get.

So happy Monday! And –

FIREBIRTHED!

That’s a real mixed bag there Jim

Hey kids.

Do you remember this song?

I was listening to CBC as I made dinner last night and Stephen Quinn played a series of tunes that were nominated for best song at the 1987 Academy Awards. I nearly flipped my wig when this one came on because even though I bloody-well LOVED it growing up, I haven’t listened to it for years, and years.

I’m pretty sure we had it on a mixed tape that I wore to shreds, rewinding it over and over and over again so I could listen to this song on repeat. Well, it and By the Rivers of Babylon.

And Gloria.

Holy smokes – I’ve just been knocked over by an amazing case of nostalgia.

Those too are seriously tip top tunes. NO JOKE – 1993 really was a solid year in my musical development.

(I cannot stop laughing at these words that I am typing. I was one seriously strange kid.)

FRIDAY FRY-UP TIME!

Kids these days.

So speaking of the early 90s, lately I have been watching ALL the Kids in the Hall.

Now, I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this show before, but I really cannot stress just how much I love it. In my (very humble) opinion there will never again be anything as funny, irreverent, strange, brilliant, and just plain bat-shit NUTS, as was this program.

Seriously, these dudes are pretty much my comedy gods and I will never not laugh like a drain watching their seriously bonkers brand of sketch humour.

I also may or may not have a massive crush on Bruce McCulloch.

(Circa 1990.)

It will always be one of the great injustices of my life that I will never have the opportunity to make out with him.

(Circa 1990.)

(But with me being an adult in 2013. I don’t want to make things all weird here.)

(I am back to laughing at the words that I am typing.)

Anyways, it’s pretty much impossible to name my favourite episode, let alone skit, so I will just leave you with the following. AROOMBA!

On Wednesday’s we wear pink.

Yesterday I bought these pants.

They are very, very pink.

And I love them.

I also bought a really cute little t-shirt that is just regular cotton t-shirt in the front, and all cut-out lace in the back.

Basically, it is a very fashion-forward mullet top.

And I love it.

Also: JOE FRESH PLEASE SPONSOR ME AS I PURCHASE YOUR WARES ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY.

I have a stand-up show tonight and I think I will be wearing this outfit.

Because nothing says comedy like bright pants and a half see-through shirt.

Onwards!

Race it.

This weekend the man with whom I make my home and I are going to make an Amazing Race Canada audition tape.

OH YES BABY.

I have wanted to do this for many moons, and briefly considered trying to apply for American citizenship for the sole purpose of auditioning for the original Amazing Race.

I honestly cannot think of anything more fun in the world than running across the globe with my love.

So stay tuned, as you’ll want to see what happens when you get us two looney tuness behind a video camera.

It might look a little something like this:

In the immortal words of The Simpsons: PRAY FOR MOJO.

Ed’s note: That vid was made VERY late at night.

Happy weekend y’all!

Wordless Wednesday – A Montage

Another Saturday night, just trying to get out the front door.

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O, my heart.