Lovers to bed, tis almost fairy time.


A couple nights ago, as I was getting ready for bed (WAY, WAY PAST MY PREFERRED BEDTIME), I turned to my husband and said:

“I have a really great idea for what we should do this weekend.”

He paused, mid-floss and said, “Let’s hear it.”

“NOTHING,” I said. “Let’s do absolutely nothing.”

He laughed, and agreed, saying that my plan sounded tip-top, lindy hop.

Now comes the rub: We have to actually STICK TO THIS AGREEMENT.

(As you might imagine, the two of us have a really, really hard time saying no.)

The one event standing in the way of an extreme rest extravaganza is my stand-up gig tonight downtown (off which I am of course incredibly excited about.)

However, if I don’t concentrate on getting a whack-ton of rest post-show, it’ll be bad times in the Maritimes. Sure, the old adage may be I’ll sleep when I’m dead, but I don’t want that to come true next Thursday at approximately five thirty in the evening.


Anywho, in the interim, let’s see what’s cooking in ye olde Cosmic Kitchen of life shall we?


Lost in translation.

We received this flyer in our mailbox earlier this week:


Suffice to say that it did a fantastic job of bringing forth all the laughs.

Also, it serves as an excellent example of why individuals should really monitor their use of Google Translation, particularly the importance of not using it for translations longer than one sentence.


Although I do really like the idea of bringing back “trading hours.”

It makes me think that I’m living in the wild, wild west.

Or some turn of the century port town.

Either or really.


An assault on good taste.

I was grooving about the aisles of H&M the other day when I espied this mannequin:



I just – I just don’t know anymore.

I was with a friend who was trying on ACTUAL clothing (like, fit to be seen in daylight and everything) so I didn’t really think it would be appropriate if I took off in order to scrounge up all the makings of this offending outfit, just so I could take a photo of myself in the dressing room and then kill myself laughing at my reflection.

(This is also why it is important that I don’t spend more time alone during my lunch hours.)

(Jen I love you!)

But seriously – is this what the cool kids are wearing these days? I mean, I’m all for keeping an open mind (I like to think I’m mellowing in my old age) but this is rather crazy.

Do the kids who wear this dreck even know Johnny Depp pre-Pirates of the Caribbean? I mean, even I’m too young to know Crybaby.

Also, I’m worried that we just aren’t trying to do anything new fashion-wise anymore and that we are just going to recycle everything from the 20th century over and over again, until the day the sun supernovas, and the stars fade away.

So stop making me have all this silly anxiety fashion world! Hop to it with the creativity!


Sing it loud.

So I haven’t had many chances to curl up in front of the television of late, so unfortunately I have no tv or movie recommendations for you this Friday. Also, since we don’t have cable and netflix’s offerings have been total bollocks of late, I probably wouldn’t have anything even if I had tried.

On the other hand, I have been listening to some excellent tunes of late, courtesy of the ever fab Lumineers.

They hail from Denver, Colorado, and their awesome blend of folk rock has seen me dancing and singing around my house, like and dancing and singing thing.

So check them out:

I hope you like them as much as I do.

There you have it, my fab chaps.

I hope that wherever you are, it is much dryer than we have it out West – that your days are filled with laughter and mirth, ridiculous take-out menus, and snappy, happy fashions.

You deserve it all, and more.

Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

22 thoughts on “Lovers to bed, tis almost fairy time.”

  1. well, yew gawtitawl there: NOTHING (Betty complains ‘cuzz thatz the STANDARD weakend/weekened for us. This weekend we’ll … oh, yool just hafta wait. (I plan on writing a post, iffit were in espanglisch it’d be CHINGASTE MOAB! (f*ck Moab). oh, Denver (and cities nearby) do put out the seemingly neverending decent music/bandz! i’m basically a peaceable sort, but if i had a gun and saw those mannequins, they’d be fun as targets, oui? and … “out here in the west” it is axually a bit wet also. knock ’em dead tonite, Ms. Sponge-Bobbette FunnyPants!

    1. Okay, I’ve been trying to figure it out, but what is CHINGASTE MOAB? I must know!!

      Hahaha! I will join you for target practice. That sounds like it could be a right barrel of laughs (no pun intended.)

      1. ooh! you knottee gurl! doantcha know yew cant say CHINGASTE out loud in a spanish supermarket? or kindergarten?
        i’m in the process of expurgation of yet another lame essay about how beddee ‘n i ventured to the “poor man’s moab” — as Moab is, uh, upscale, toooo much lycra, 2nd (& 3rd) homes, sooshi (hey! i do like da sooshee), etc. so we went to Green River, UT, about 50 miles away. bawtumb lying: it’ll be quite a while before the hordes flock to G R for anything resembling the mow-abb XXXpeeereeenttts. (azzeye said, uhbuvv, iffit were in espanglisch, that’d be the title. in ainglitsch it’s more like f*ck moab). now having gone, researched, eaten, slept, rode the bike, it would not be fair nor accurate to impugn M,U in favor of GR, U just yet. thanx 4 askin.
        ((thought yood appreciate ms spongette-bobbette funnypants?!)) you DID knock ’em dead, eh?

        1. I really, really liked the Spongette-Bobbette!! I can’t believe I forgot to mention that…

          And I did knock ’em right out of the park! Hope to do it again tonight too!

  2. A weekend of nothing sounds fantastic!! DO IT! :) And you’re going to rock socks tonight, I have no doubt. :)
    The outfit had me howling. My goodness that kind of thing makes me feel old and so very unsure of what “cool” is. I’ll stick to my obsessions with 1940’s fashions…
    I’ve got a Hope4Justice meeting tonight and the weekend will be full of house cleaning, puppy exercising, and grocery shopping. Sometimes that’s plenty enough to wear me out. :)
    Have a fun and fab weekend, my dearest!

    1. I love, love that you rock the retro fashions. I can only imagine how sweet you look!

      I hope you had an absolutely amazing weekend. You are doing such phenomenal work! And I’m sure you had a fab time with the pup! We had torrential rain on Saturday, but on Sunday the sun came out (and amazingly enough, it’s still out today!)

  3. I would spend most of my weekends doing nothing but that is not possible with the Fashion Mister. Although once in awhile I am going to have a good old fashioned pajama day whether he likes it or not! They used to be high on my list when I had days off during the week.
    Enjoy the show and get some rest!

    1. We used to do pajama days a heck of a lot more when we were still in school. Then it was pretty much pajama weekend – especially if we were working on papers! Now it seems to be the exact opposite…

      We managed to have a nice mix of rest and activity this weekend (thank goodness!) x

  4. I love the Lumineers but you know what I love more….that stinkin’ take-out menu! I read it no less than 20 times! I kept trying to figure out what they would have put in to get that translation result! Absolutely hilarious! Also I completely agree about bringing back Trading Hours…it sounds so quaint and not so full of antics that are sizzling and flaming!

    1. Isn’t it nuts? I really like how they have a New Zealand wed address too…SO CRAZY!

      Okay, we’re officially starting to the movement to bring back trading hours! x

  5. I lived in West Africa for many years and there were myriads of signs, menus, directions, and even conversations the were completely lost in translation. And I loved it every time. In Togo, a French speaking country, there were billboards advertising a candy called BonBons and the descriptive selling sentence was “filled with pleasure and emotions” bahaha! I’m still cracking up over that! Anyway, I love that you took that picture to share :)

    Enjoy the nothingness this weekend. Recharge those crazy Energizer batteries of yours! May you be, as the candy, filled with pleasure and emotions.

    1. Where in West Africa did you live? I can only imagine what an adventure that would have been!

      And thank you! The weekend was really delightful – filled with much pleasure and emotions! x

      1. I lived in Togo, Sierra Leone, and Ghana. Mainly those three, but I traveled as much as possible too. It’s such a beautiful country and not a day goes by that I don’t think about the people, the culture, and the land!

          1. I was head chef on a non profit hospital ship. An amazing organization called Mercy Ships. They provide free health care (surgery for removing tumors, straightening bowed legs or clubbed feet, dental, eye corrections, repairing burned skin, and many others) as well as teaching local people about agriculture, water, and disease prevention. Mercy Ships desires to follow the life and actions of Jesus to help and heal with whatever resources they can provide. Everyone (from world renowned surgeons, engineers, carpenters, cooks, and the captain himself) pays every month to be able to serve on the ship; it’s quite a financial sacrifice but many times money takes a back seat when you realize and see the outcome of the ships impact.
            The other awesome thing I must rave about is that the crew is made up of dozens of nationalities, with multiple different languages! I loved it there so much (and even met my indescribably amazing husband there) and I dearly miss it. But, I had quite literally spent every dime to my name as well as the money received from fund raising so it was time to come back to the States to get a job and a paycheck.
            But, truly life changing. I could tell you plenty more stories if you’re interested!

          2. WOW! Rachel, seriously, that is absolutely amazing! I can only imagine the stories you have to tell. You are truly an incredible person (and a very strong person at that!) – and I am in awe at the work that you and all these phenomenal people do. :)

            I would so love to hear more about your time with Mercy Ships! x

  6. Pretty sure kids will wear just about anything with Johnny Depp’s face on it regardless of not having a clue what “Cry-Baby” is nor even being alive when the movie came out. But that outfit is hilarious! Are they trying to bring the ying-yang back? I may have some notebooks from the 90s full of them they can use as inspiration for a dress or something.

    The Lumineers are SO good! “Stubborn Love” is such a great song, I really like “Classy Girls” too. You should check out Alabama Shakes, they’re similar to The Lumineers but a bit bluesier. They played Saturday Night Live a couple weeks ago and it was one of the best musical performances I’ve seen in a while; probably since The Lumineers were on.

    1. The yin-yang thing seriously almost knocked me over. I couldn’t believe it! I remember my favourite pog had one on it. (I am dating myself here.)

      I seriously cannot stop listening to the Lumineers. They are seriously the best! I really, really need to check out the Alabama Shakes, as you are now the third person to tell me this. No more faffing around!

      1. I had one of those thick plastic slammers that was all iridescent and shiny, because I was a pog bad ass. I don’t think I ever actually played a game or match or dual, whatever they were called (I was on the tail end of the pog fad) I just had a bunch of them in a box.

        You really should. Brittany Howard, man, that chick can play the guitar.

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