Stirring up trouble

Hey dudes.

Do you want to know what is the absolute worst thing ever? Like, in the world?

I’ll tell you what: FIRE ALARM TESTING.

Yeah, I’m about two shrill shrieks away from a murderous rampage to end all murderous rampages.

Not to mention the fact that my poor cat is utterly traumatized.

At first, when it started this morning, she was all, “MOM! WHY!?”:

And as the day progressed, she morphed into a fragile shell of her former amazon-Dorne self, until I found her like this in our upstairs office:

The poor thing had eyes as big as saucers.

Urg. It’s now 5:08pm and THEY ARE STILL TESTING THE DARN THINGS.

If these bastards aren’t finished soon, I’m going to take a dump in their boot and cut the brake lines in their van. Don’t think I won’t do it!!!

WOAH.

Erm.

Okay. That was too much. Dial it back there Eth, you’ve gone too far.

Sorry folks, I don’t know what got over me there.

But seriously, my head is pounding, my ears are ringing – even my heartbeat seems all off.

In short, I feel like utter rubbish, and I look like it too.

(But not smell. I smell like vanilla deliciousness.)

About an hour ago, peering at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I instinctively recoiled.

“FIE! AWAY FOUL BEAST AND DIE!” I shouted (because as you know, I live in a Shakespeare play.)

Either way, things were circling the drain, AND QUICK. So what did I do to combat this malaise? This lethargy of the soul, and hideousness of the face?

I did what any (semi) sane vegetarian would do.

I made a vegetable stirfy.

Pics or it didn’t happen you say?

GOOD THING I BROUGHT THE BIG GUNS. Let’s dive in, shall we?

 

Eat some carrot pieces if you so wish. I often do.

Don’t forget the onion!

Or the garlic for that matter.

Preeeeety colours.

Add the eggplant early because it takes the longest to cook.

Muuuuushroooooooms.

Definitely take time to be a weirdo.

Sgt. Peppers

Why I’m so strong.

So saucy!

The final product.

Dig in!

p.s. I have a secret. I want to tell you all, but I must keep it safe until the time is right. FRODO BAGGINS!

Yep. Officially mad.

Don’t stand. Don’t stand so close to me.

So after all that writing about tofu, I realized I had a great desire to wok and roll. Indeed folks, the time was nigh to whip up a classic tofu stir-fry for Mr. M and I.

It’s been such a crazy start to the week – in fact, I cannot believe that today is only Tuesday – and I wanted something healthy, and tasty, and that I could put together with my eyes closed.

If Ju-On can cook, so can you!

And since I wasn’t too keen on the idea of eating banana bread for dinner (only because I ate half of a lemon meringue pie for my supper last night), stir-fry it was.

À la tofu.

This morning, while riding skytrain, I did two things – two things that can be perfectly summed up by just one word:

Mortification.

Holy doodle, it’s a boon and a half that I don’t embarrass easily.

First, I was SO into my crossword that I actually drooled onto my paper.

Or maybe it got on my purse – I’m not sure.

And although it wasn’t a ton of drool, and I desperately tried to keep it in, once I realized that I was leaking from my mouth – alas.

To no avail.

I’m pretty sure the girl sitting to my right was busting a gut for all of Canada, because the seat was vibrating pretty steadily for the next ten minutes.

(The fact that I too was laughing my face off could also have something to do with this.)

I couldn’t look up for the life of me, for fear that I would make eye contact with someone else who had espied my errant behavior because this would have undoubtedly propelled me into the most epic case of the “laughs” ever recorded in the history of the world, from which, I’m sure, I would never have recovered.

Then, about five minutes later (although in my completely cracked mind it seemed like these events happened simultaneously) my umbrella got loose from where it was resting between my knees.

I watched it fall in almost slow motion – although again in real life it was moving at quite a clip.

(This along with its steep angle of trajectory alarmed me.)

It kept tumbling forward, before making contact with the the legs (or you know, bum cheeks) of the man standing in front of me, only to come to rest, wedged in his crotchular area.

This, in the parlance of our times was very, very awkward.

Like, the most ever.

EVER.

The look he gave me may have taken years off of my life.

Good thing all that laughing just piles them back on.

So there you have it. My Tuesday started out on a high point, hilarity-wise, and will end on an equally stellar note, health and taste-wise.

And knowing M and I – there will be a ton more laughs too.

Let’s get down to business:

The goods.

Chop it!

These colours - in whatever form I find them in - always make me smile.

Wok it!

I really appreciate to no end the number of puns you can create with the word wok.

Sauce it!

Keep it simple. Keep it safe.

Add spinach:

Leaf it up!

But seriously, add more:

Like you mowed the lawn and then made a meal out of the clippings!

For a brilliant, final result of:

Multi-coloured noms! The best kind (but also lemon meringue pie.)

So there you have it folks – tofu stir-fry for the skytrain rider’s soul.

How were your Tuesdays? Anything crazy happen around your parts?

I would really, really love to hear about it.