Don’t stand. Don’t stand so close to me.

So after all that writing about tofu, I realized I had a great desire to wok and roll. Indeed folks, the time was nigh to whip up a classic tofu stir-fry for Mr. M and I.

It’s been such a crazy start to the week – in fact, I cannot believe that today is only Tuesday – and I wanted something healthy, and tasty, and that I could put together with my eyes closed.

If Ju-On can cook, so can you!

And since I wasn’t too keen on the idea of eating banana bread for dinner (only because I ate half of a lemon meringue pie for my supper last night), stir-fry it was.

À la tofu.

This morning, while riding skytrain, I did two things – two things that can be perfectly summed up by just one word:


Holy doodle, it’s a boon and a half that I don’t embarrass easily.

First, I was SO into my crossword that I actually drooled onto my paper.

Or maybe it got on my purse – I’m not sure.

And although it wasn’t a ton of drool, and I desperately tried to keep it in, once I realized that I was leaking from my mouth – alas.

To no avail.

I’m pretty sure the girl sitting to my right was busting a gut for all of Canada, because the seat was vibrating pretty steadily for the next ten minutes.

(The fact that I too was laughing my face off could also have something to do with this.)

I couldn’t look up for the life of me, for fear that I would make eye contact with someone else who had espied my errant behavior because this would have undoubtedly propelled me into the most epic case of the “laughs” ever recorded in the history of the world, from which, I’m sure, I would never have recovered.

Then, about five minutes later (although in my completely cracked mind it seemed like these events happened simultaneously) my umbrella got loose from where it was resting between my knees.

I watched it fall in almost slow motion – although again in real life it was moving at quite a clip.

(This along with its steep angle of trajectory alarmed me.)

It kept tumbling forward, before making contact with the the legs (or you know, bum cheeks) of the man standing in front of me, only to come to rest, wedged in his crotchular area.

This, in the parlance of our times was very, very awkward.

Like, the most ever.


The look he gave me may have taken years off of my life.

Good thing all that laughing just piles them back on.

So there you have it. My Tuesday started out on a high point, hilarity-wise, and will end on an equally stellar note, health and taste-wise.

And knowing M and I – there will be a ton more laughs too.

Let’s get down to business:

The goods.

Chop it!

These colours - in whatever form I find them in - always make me smile.

Wok it!

I really appreciate to no end the number of puns you can create with the word wok.

Sauce it!

Keep it simple. Keep it safe.

Add spinach:

Leaf it up!

But seriously, add more:

Like you mowed the lawn and then made a meal out of the clippings!

For a brilliant, final result of:

Multi-coloured noms! The best kind (but also lemon meringue pie.)

So there you have it folks – tofu stir-fry for the skytrain rider’s soul.

How were your Tuesdays? Anything crazy happen around your parts?

I would really, really love to hear about it.

Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

25 thoughts on “Don’t stand. Don’t stand so close to me.”

  1. That looks awesome! And I’m sure, delicious too. After cleaning out my fridge last night (and realizing I threw out about 3/4 of its original contents), I need to go to the store, get some veggies and sauce so I too, can WOK IT OUT (I also love the versatility of the word ‘wok’ haha)

    1. Wok it out is right! Love it. I’m not sure exactly where it is you call home Ms. B, but if you live in the GVRD, head to your nearest T&T (or, if not, just your closest asian supermarket) and stock up on sauces there. Always the best selection and price. Enjoy!

      1. Ooooh, that’s genius! I haven’t been to T&T in a while, that would explain my lack of sauce options in my kitchen pantry. Thanks for the tip!

    1. Sriracha, sweet chili, and soy sauce – sometimes to make it extra spicy I put in chili powder too (but I used fresh red chilies this time so I passed.) Oyster sauce is good too. Or black bean. My advice is to go to T&T and just stock up!

  2. Pretty average day here… spent most of the day constructing a vast maze of electric fencing to stop the horses from eating so much grass that they explode. Stabbed myself, accidental-like, with some of the hair-thin steel wire that runs through the fencing tape.
    Did some writing, hoovered my bedroom floor, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher… meh. Average day. Nothing to touch your drooling (hilarious!) and then getting your umbrella wedged in some unsuspecting guy’s crotch. He should have been grateful it wasn’t the pointy end! (of the umbrella, I mean)

    1. Lol! Good grief, that guy should have been happy to be getting any action at all! Nah, I kid. But I still can’t stop chuckling about the whole thing. I love how your average day involves building an electric fence – that is amazing. And I’m pretty jealous you get to hang out with horses. I wish the dudes I work with were such gentle souls…maybe they just need more grass in their diet? (Take that as you will – it is Vancouver after all.)

  3. Oh man, you really like lemon meringue pie, doncha? I find most meringue type pies to be very lackluster…except my “southern genteelwoman” Great Aunt’s chocolate chess one. Oh man, that was probably not just the best meringue pie I’ve ever had, but best pie ever.

    hey now, you can’t be holding out on a banana bread recipe like that!

    As for what I did, I got my hair cut and colored, had lunch with a dear professor (tried Ratatouille for the first time–scrumptious!) and then worked on my American lit final (for her class, mind you) from 3:30-10:00. So much napping that I wanted to happen but didn’t.

    1. I really, really do – but I think it’s really the lemon curd that keeps bringing me back. I have a real penchant for anything sour. Or just lemony.

      I will totes send you the banana bread recipe! And your day sounds lovely! Good luck with the paper, although I’m sure you will do just swimmingly. :)

        1. Haha, I actually had to look up the definition! “The basic ingredients are beaten egg yolks, sugar, fruit juice and zest which are gently cooked together until thick and then allowed to cool, forming a soft, smooth, intensely-flavored spread – Specific types of fruit curd are named after the central curd in them – for example, that made with lemons is known as “lemon curd”.” WHO KNEW?

  4. Oh, hey, if you’re really into lemon meringue pie, do I have a recipe for you:
    Take two slices of bread.
    One one slice, slather your favourite lemon curd, preferably home-made, the sourer and more flavourful the better.
    On the other slice, slather white marshmallow fluff.
    Unite the two, and apply to face: Lemon Meringue Sandwich, I kid you not.
    It’ll strip the skin from the roof of your mouth, but like banana and raspberry jam sandwiches, it’s totally worth it!

  5. The stir fry looks fabulous! So good, so healthy, so colorful – love, love, love!!

    And your Skytrain experience had me doing some painful silent laughter for a good 10 minutes this morning – hysterical!! Now to wipe the happy tears from my eyes… Your delivery was impeccable!

    Hope you’re Tuesday has turned into a super fantastic Wednesday, Amiga! Hugs!

    1. Haha, thanks love! I am a very silly lady sometimes, but I’ve come to revel in it – because if I can’t beat the madness, I might as well join in, right?

      Hope your Wednesday was just smashing :)

  6. Great, now I’m hungry. I even have a wok, but alas, no ingredients to put in it. Bother that it’s midnight-thirty and the grocery is closed. Pop Tarts it is.

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