Do you want to know what is the absolute worst thing ever? Like, in the world?
I’ll tell you what: FIRE ALARM TESTING.
Yeah, I’m about two shrill shrieks away from a murderous rampage to end all murderous rampages.
Not to mention the fact that my poor cat is utterly traumatized.
At first, when it started this morning, she was all, “MOM! WHY!?”:
And as the day progressed, she morphed into a fragile shell of her former amazon-Dorne self, until I found her like this in our upstairs office:
The poor thing had eyes as big as saucers.
Urg. It’s now 5:08pm and THEY ARE STILL TESTING THE DARN THINGS.
If these bastards aren’t finished soon, I’m going to take a dump in their boot and cut the brake lines in their van. Don’t think I won’t do it!!!
Okay. That was too much. Dial it back there Eth, you’ve gone too far.
Sorry folks, I don’t know what got over me there.
But seriously, my head is pounding, my ears are ringing – even my heartbeat seems all off.
In short, I feel like utter rubbish, and I look like it too.
(But not smell. I smell like vanilla deliciousness.)
About an hour ago, peering at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I instinctively recoiled.
“FIE! AWAY FOUL BEAST AND DIE!” I shouted (because as you know, I live in a Shakespeare play.)
Either way, things were circling the drain, AND QUICK. So what did I do to combat this malaise? This lethargy of the soul, and hideousness of the face?
I did what any (semi) sane vegetarian would do.
I made a vegetable stirfy.
Pics or it didn’t happen you say?
GOOD THING I BROUGHT THE BIG GUNS. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Eat some carrot pieces if you so wish. I often do.
Don’t forget the onion!
Or the garlic for that matter.
Add the eggplant early because it takes the longest to cook.
Definitely take time to be a weirdo.
Why I’m so strong.
The final product.
p.s. I have a secret. I want to tell you all, but I must keep it safe until the time is right. FRODO BAGGINS!
Yep. Officially mad.