Once more unto the beach, dear friends

Hi loves.

Yesterday I returned from our road trip down the Oregon Coast and Ashland Shakespeare extravaganza.

We left late Thursday afternoon and chronicled much of our journey our brand-spanking new “adventure log” about which we were most excited.

Check it!

Day 1

“His name was Visser. He is an Animorph killer.” This was Marc’s conclusion as we pulled away from our unblinking boarder guard and entered the United States.

Even with the gods spitting on our windshield, our spirits soared, along to the sweet, sweet tunes of Spoon (and other musical greats), recently turned into a travelling CD.

With one hundred miles to Seattle we would be comfortably ensconced in the Sheraton by 6:30. Then whiskey and bitters (definitely), would be enjoyed, but first, and most imminent: McDonalds.

Upon our arrival, Marc got us upgraded to a superior room, however we will have to re-mortgage our home to pay off the blasted valet parking.

For forty-four dollars I half expected them to wash and detail the car, or at the very least gift us with a free bottle of eight dollar gummi bears.

After settling in, it was time to don our fancy duds and head to the hills for dinner.

Mental note: bringing up rum running with a rather clueless concierge will not make your question regarding speakeasys come across any clearer. However, we are now equipped with the knowledge that it is illegal in the state of Washington to operate an establishment that serves only alcohol in the absence of food stuffs.

The more you know kids.

In the end delicious food and drink were enjoyed at the Zig Zag Cafe and Sushi Cucina.

To protect ourselves from the fat raindrops littering the downtown core we purchased a small umbrella before traipsing about like two love sick teenagers in our spit-shined finery, stopping at every street light to clasp hands and kiss.

Day 2

The day broke as so many previous – Marc up ages before myself, passing the time lost in the familiar and comforting pages of a book on magic (or is it of magic?). Let’s say both.

Once my lazy bones jones arose from my bed of rest, we ventured out in search of sustenance and a map of Oregon.

We found both.

After a brief tour of a number of different Seattle neighbourhoods, we reconnected with the I-5 and learned the increasingly obvious lesson that in this part of the world it doesn’t matter where you are headed, or what time of day it is, you will probably encounter massive highway congestion.

Do not try to fight this, or understand why it happens – just embrace it as a fact of life and move on.

To pass the time we tried to name as many states as possible. We got to 47.

At the I-5 exit to get to highway 30 (our route to meet up with the Oregon coast), it started to become clear that I had not really thought through just how far the two of us would be driving to get to our intended destination – South Beach Provincial Park.

Marc, frustrated by the slow pace of his fellow drivers, super speedwayed his way to a one hundred and sixty dollar fine.

It was all going so well until the state trooper (who may just be the nicest law enforcement official to exist ever) saw my bruised body and immediately began to ask questions.

I quickly assured that I was one tough mudder (copyright) and that we were actually celebrating our four year wedding anniversary (in hopes that she might write off the ticket).

She didn’t.

And then it started to rain. A LOT.

By the time we arrived at our campground, the mosquitoes were out in force, sucking the life force right out of us (and through two layers of pants at that!) However, it was nothing that some five dollar wine and marshmallows couldn’t fix.

The ocean there was beautiful and brilliant in its majesty, but also frightening in its ferocity.

We respect but fear the waves.

And that night you could hear Poseidon’s song.

Day 3

This day must be changed in the way that it is described from ordinary language into one of superlatives. It was epic on many extraordinary levels.

First, followed by swarms of Jurassic-sized mosquitoes, we managed to break camp in the most expedited of fashions and be on our merry.

However, this meant we skipped the usual “morning prepper” for Sergeant Ethel, namely a cup of joe, so we then had to attempt to locate an “Espresso Shack” that accepted plastic or non-specific currency; this all happened on our way to the aptly named and hugely disappointing Little Switzerland – big on pastoral beauty, low on amenities.

Anyway, following a quick pit stop just off of Seal Rock, the Sargeant settled down to do some hardcore driving (approximately 500 clicks – metric wise) whilst we jabbered about politics, upbringings, and the identity of our missing states – Missouri, New Hampshire and Colorado, natch.

Much, much later we managed to out-drive the monsoon conditions and found ourselves at the hospitable Emigrant Lake, where we victualed and had a bathe in preparation for our evening out with the Bard.

Day 4

An azure blue has replaced the downtrodden grey that marked the worst of yesterday’s weather.

We woke to dry skies – I made tea and Marc quickly set about drying our thoroughly soaked camping chairs.

More java was procured in town (and with a smoothie – Marc’s summer drink of choice) and we joined up with an actor’s Q & A session, where he spoke about his time with the festival and answered our question’s on a myriad of topics.

I wanted to know more about the tricky balance of delivering a show that pleases the audience, but also breathes new life into much love, and much interpreted productions.

(What I really wanted to ask was why, in Henry V, was the French envoy dresses as an extra in a Paula Abdul music video.)

After our walk about town, we returned to the campsite and swan, sunned, and shimmied to our heart’s content.

Day 5

I can pick apart the rotten red rock with my fingertips; if I sat here long enough maybe I could erode it down to the level of the sand.

Looking Northwest, I see that the peninsula is falling back into the sea in such a way that a humped needle eye of this same rock is looking back at me.

As soon as I  characterize or anthropomorphize the earth in this way I can’t help thinking how there have always been people here, probably longer than the needle’s eye.

I wonder, how many of them, sitting here facing the endless gray lullabye that kills and feeds, washes and deforms, endures – how many thought simply – “okay” – and didn’t build higher or travel further, or settle deeper.

They just crumbled the rock and imagined a face in the sea.

Day 6

Laughs. Love. Happiness.

Home.

Alright now, little sister

What I remember so vividly, was an ivy draped house, cherry blossom biscuits, fresh kissed from the oven; our mosquito wed skin that licked the autumn air so quickly we would itch for days.

My sister, whispering stories, sticky from giggles and jam, of evenings coloured with imaginary characters – men whom we imagined dressed like millionaires, and women who smiled bright pearls.

We listened, between the cracks in the door that we dared not enter.

We attended their parties, solved their mysteries, stole their riches – never so much as dipping our toes in the world outside of the beauty we created.

On afternoons that we breathed quietly, and we would watch the birds in the yard, drinking cool lemonade flavoured with mint, fresh picked from the garden.

Days spent dreaming of loving.

Of  loving.

On a wedding anniversary

This is what he remembers of his first year in love.

Sticky summer evenings on leftover bicycles

Green grass cuttings and the heather scent of your hair

One legged races and falling down together

And getting up together, everytime.

Knitting words so true that they became laws into themselves

What we writ on paper was our sinews and our bones

Magic promises, and you pulled me into a love of myself

Along with my love of you.

I’d never bought a pair of pants for a girl before

Never walked home at midnight carrying her laundry

Trying to scare her, and myself, with remembrances of

Low mists and Japanese ghost children, and all those things that terrify.

Realising that we were not scared together.

I hiked an island while you wrote and waited

On tables and coffee consumers, and I wrote

And lay in bed, in the warmth, with my phone cards

that were always running out

And my emails, and your emails, and we started a story together

That will never be finished, that we’ll always be writing

Until the end of the world.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

So what else has been brewing on this side of the cosmic kitchen?

You mean, besides nursing my body back to its natural flesh tone (and away from its current black and blue hue)?

Well, look no further!

In the words of Bruce McCulloch – Check it out!

(Can you dig it?)

Trips to berry farms.

I did two out of three (the winery was not yet open for the year.)

Faffing around with fake doors.

Knock, knock.

I seriously love fake doors.

Acting like they are real doors? CRACKS ME RIGHT UP.

Also, this photo was taken on Sunday post-race and I am actually amazed that I managed to move my arms that far over my head.

TREATS TREATS TREATS.

On days that I am recovering from massive physical exertion, this is pretty much the only thing I want to eat, EVER:

Blueberry popcorn and chocolate covered pretzels.

Or perhaps this:

Confetti cake blizzard. Yes please.

If you live in the GVRD, love cake and ice cream, and haven’t tried this, I urge you to leave whatever you are currently doing, race to the closet DQ and give it a try.

It will not disappoint.

It will delight.

Adorable animals.

Baby goat!

Baby black and white goat!

It is hard to describe how cute this little guy was. He was also incredibly perturbed that his mother was on top of the bench, and that he was unable to join her.

No word of a lie,*I had him in my purse and was half way to the car when I realized my plan wasn’t the best thought out.

I don’t think Nymeria is quite ready for a roommate, especially one so vocal as Mr. Black Shoes.

(Yes. That is the name I gave him while he was briefly in my custody.**)

*This IS the biggest lie ever.

**Joke!  – please don’t phone the SPCA on me.

And of course:

Patios.

I don’t know about you cats, but as soon as the warm weather actually sticks around, I plan on spending the rest of my summer sitting on one of these.

In the meantime, Mr. M and I are headed down the Oregon coast for six days of anniversary celebrating, camping, Shakespeare, hiking, eating, drinking, laughing (like loons), and just general revelry.

I cannot wait!

And what about you, dear ladies and gents?

What is coming down the pipe for you these days?

Grab a handful of blue popped corn and tell me all about it.

Sweet mudder of pearl

Guess whose back? Back again?

Ethel’s back! Tell a friend!

WHAT. A. RACE.

Could somebody pass me a washcloth?

The great thing about all of this mud is that it covers the myriad of cuts and bruises that now decorate the length of my body.

It may or may not look like I went ten rounds with a baseball bat.

Actually, what I really want to do is get a t-shirt that says, “Yeah, but you should see the other guy!”

Also, those running shoes did not return with me on the ride home. The mud was so thick in parts of the race that people were actually losing their shoes.

Talk about trauma-rama – at mile three we passed some poor girl desperately searching through the muck to find her long gone runner – arms and legs completely lost in the mire, trying to feel about for her sinking Nike.

(This was also in a section of the course called “Bush Whacking” which had seen us literally carve our own paths down the side of a forested mountain.)

Her incredibly supportive teammate (and by supportive, I mean exasperated as hell) threw her hands up in the air and exclaimed, “Fuck the shoe!”

Fuck the shoe you say?

Oh no no no no no no no….

There is no way in heck that the unfortunate mudder would be able to continue on to finish her race without something resembling a shoe strapped onto her foot.

And by resembling I mean an exact replica.

Shoes – they matter.

Because dudes, THIS was one hell of a course.

Over 12 miles long (of which probably a good two miles were in the snow!), we went through it all: crawling in the mud under barbed wire, crawling in the mud under ever lower barbed wire, scaling ten and twelve foot walls, running up half-pipes (this nearly broke my breasts – small though they are, no word of a lie that hurt like heck), traversing monkey bars over freezing water, ACTUALLY jumping into freezing water, electrified slip and slides, electrified finish lines, WALKING UP THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN THAT HOUSES A BLOODY SKY JUMP (at mile ten mind you), more mud (think the consistency of newly mixed cement), more mud, running up hill, running down hill – did I mention the mud?

My number, M’s and my headbands.

And seriously, it was glorious.

Brilliant.

A day of supreme bad-assery, if you will.

M and I worked together like a team on fire. It’s so amazing to see what we are capable of doing as a unit when put into these kind of situations. Neither of us complained, or whined; we continually checked in with one another, encouraged each other, let each other know what hurt, what needed to be stretched out, where we would next take water, whether one of us needed to use the loo.

Actually, funny story there.

After the Arctic Enema – even less sexy than it sounds, let me assure you – I realize that I need to quickly use the john. Well, what with my shorts and my underwear now super glued to my body, it was a hell of a time trying to get those bad boys down, let alone back up again (think removing the wettest, coldest bathing suit (re: speedo), and then trying to put it back on as fast as you possible can.)

It’s practically impossible, right?

Especially when you are trying to move it, move it.

My extremely competitive nature made me briefly consider leaving with just my shorts back in place and my underwear still straddling my upper thighs, but luckily I though better of it and made sure everything was good to go before getting back to business.

Oh, I also did the really classy thing of peeing into the urinal (this being an outhouse it was the easiest thing to access) instead of the actual toilet, because some schmuck had actually closed the lid – and there was no way I was making the effort to lift it back up. Plus, THAT’S GROSS.

Priorities!

Anywho, to get back to the race. What a day – beautiful weather, not too cold, not too hot, sun in the alpine, cooler in some parts but not freezing (that was what we had the water for.) M and I ran pretty much the entire course save the brutal, brutal track up the sky jump hill – the incline was just too much, and at way too far into the race. We jogged probably the first 50 meters before settling into as fast of a hike as possible.

It was pretty cool as we neared the finish line – you could hear the music and everybody cheering – what a way to pump you up to finish the race.

As soon as you crossed that line (after running through a massive obstacle filled with wires, some charged at 10,000 volts) M and I just collapsed into a huge hug, and just held each other for a second to drink it all in.

I cannot say all too much else except that I am so very proud of us. We achieved something pretty amazing the two of us together – 12 miles, 23 obstacles, 2 hours, twenty minutes of madness and glory.

Post-race however, as my brilliant friend K texted me later that day – “That awkward moment when you are scrubbing and scrubbing and you realize that it’s not mud, but a bruise.”

Yeaaaahhhhh:

Pre-shower legs.

Eeeerrrr:

Pre-shower arms, plus my number still written on my forehead.

Ooof:

Next day legs.

Eeep:

Next day arms.

Phew, so there you have it.

Also, the next race is in Seattle on September 29.

I may or may not be able to wait to get out there again.

How about I get the team t-shirts? And will that be a small, medium, or large?