To whom it may concern

Such a smooth operator

Yesterday I drank a beet-berry smoothie.

It was weird.

I really like beets. And I really like berries.

But mixing the two together in a smoothie was a little like drinking a (strangely sweet) emulsified garden.

That is definitely one sentence I never really imagined I would ever be writing.

Thank goodness that the drink was at least red, because goodness knows I cannot abide a green smoothie. Anytime I see someone sucking down some horrid kale-spinach concoction, I always think the same thing:

“It looks like they are drinking a salad’s tears!!”

JUST SAYING.

So anyway, the following facial expression pretty well sums up how I felt the entire time I was consuming the beverage:

IMG_20130124_133203

Not good. But not bad either.

Just strange. Really, really strange.

I’m fairly certain all of you are staring at your computer screens thinking: WHAT THE HECK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

To which I reply: BACK OFF YOU KALE MURDERING BASTARDS!!

Erm.

I mean, what I’m trying to say – in the most roundabout way possible – is that my life at the moment feels like one massive beet smoothie.

Ya know what I mean?

I’ve been feeling all over the place of late, stretched a little too thin by the GIANT ROLLING PIN OF LIFE and I’m having a little trouble trying to keep myself together.

And I really hate it.

I really hate feeling like I don’t have my stuff together.

But mostly I despise feeling like I don’t have my stuff together when my stuff IS actually together – all neatly folded away in colour-coordinated drawers (or hung on sweet plastic hangers, and not those awful cheap wire ones that always end up sagging in the middle) if you get my clothing-storage-focused drift.

Seriously friends – WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

It’s like my Type A insanity is at an all time high.

Yeesh.

For all you other TAers out there, how do you cope when you’re certain your manic perfectionism is taking over your life?

Normally a solid week of 9 pm bedtimes has me feeling right as rain, but I’ve having a hard time getting myself together this time. Any advice you have to help me stop BEETing (heh) myself up would be much appreciated.

In the interim, shall we see what’s frying up on YE OLDE FRIDAY STOVE?

Forsooth, and forthwith my good chaps!

Clean as a whistle.

Exhibit A:

IMG_3204 - Copy

Now, normally I wouldn’t get all shirty over a pre-washed bag of lettuce, but TRIPLE WASHED?!

Come on.

How dirty were the leaves to begin with? And how anemic was the water spray that they were using? Where you using something other than water to begin with? Who was doing this washing?

This notation had me so freaked out that the entire time I was eating my salad all I could think of was: I AM TOTALLY EATING ALL THE RADIATION AND OR COMPOST.

Compost salad!! AHHHHHHH!

Side note: Am I the only one who eats the entire bag whenever picking up one of these things for dinner? I always think that it will last me at least two servings, but nope! I hoover that stuff down like it’s a beet-berry smoothie.

Next!

Guns a-blazing.

So just the other night I finally sat down and watched Guy Ritchie’s Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

I remember when it came out and it was THE FILM amongst all of my guy friends (it, and Boondock Saints.) I don’t know what exactly it was that made me so resistant in the first place, but for some reason I just never got around to viewing it.

Over the years I somehow began conflate it (and other works by GR) with the films made by Quentin Tarantino, which only hardened my resolve never to watch it.

I won’t get into a diatribe on the subject, suffice to say that I don’t and most likely will never enjoy Mr. Tarantino’s films, as I believe him to be a psychopath.

Anywho, back to Lock Stock – this film is hilarious! Great acting, awesome directing, and really interesting cinematography.

I loved how every scene looked as though it filmed through the filter of a really dirty window. Or the bottom of a wine bottle.

Also, Jason Statham is hot.

Like, a lot.

Next!

Nap nap nap.

IMG_2655

OH HAI THERE!

TIME TO SLEEP FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS?

ALSO NOMS PLS & THANX!

KBYE!

I don’t know about you folks, but I think I’m going to be following Nymeria’s lead.

What are your thoughts on squeaky clean lettuce leaves? Are you a fan of Guy Ritchie’s cinematic oeuvre? And what are you plans for the weekend?

Put up your feet, and rest awhile.

27 thoughts on “Such a smooth operator

  1. I always eat the whole bag of salad. But I am fat so I have an excuse: I am hungry and eating something that won’t kill me. Win.

    Have you seen Snatch yet? It is basically the exact same film as Lock Stock but with Benicio Del Toro and Brad Pitt and instead of guns it is a diamond. Great flick though and probably where I realized that Brad Pitt wasn’t just an overrated pretty boy.

      1. I don’t recall Tom Wilkinson being in the flick but it has a pretty huge ensemble so it could be that I am just not placing him. There is a Russian mafioso as well as a bunch of English ones (nothing funnier that an English mafioso).

    1. I will watch Snatch sometime this week for sure. My husband just watched it a couple of weeks ago and was laughing like a drain so I look forward to sitting down and viewing it for myself.

      Salad definitely won’t kill you that’s for sure. Especially if it’s been triple washed (I bloody well hope.)

      1. I am sure your husband won’t mind watching it again so soon after the first time. It is that good.

        I only eat triple washed salads and only eat them with triple distilled vodkas as my beverage.

        1. You win one free internet with that last comment good sir. Please send self-addressed stamped envelope and I will pop it into the mail STAT.

          And that’s it. I’m watching it tonight.

  2. omg you are the best. great work.

    and heyyy i didn’t know you were a tarantino hater. i guess we have never really talked about qt. i’m also not a big fan of the man, and tend to agree with your psychopath assessment. his fetishization of violence against women makes me sick… i have to say i enjoy some of his films, such as inglorious basterds, pulp fiction, and reservoir dogs, but kill bill 1 can go to hell. worst. kill bill 2 is actually kinda awesome…mostly because uma thurman is so badass.

    the only guy ritchie films i’ve seen are the two sherlock holmes… once i tried to watch either snatch or lock stock in high school and was NOT in the mood to deal with it. i think i’ll have to revisit!

    1. Thanks dudette!

      Yeah, I’ve never warmed to him as either a person or director. Uma Thurman is badass but I would rather just see her being badass outside of a Tarantino film, because I think he uses his token strong female to justify all the other violence (both sexual and otherwise.)

      Definitely check it out. I’m going to watch Snatch later on this week and I’ll let you know what I think. Can’t wait to hang out tomorrow! x

  3. Ugh… that beet up feeling? I feel ya… With being down with sickness (not even “sick” anymore but still sluggish and tired all week) I have accomplished no house cleaning and it’s getting to me like a burrowing mole. So the napping and relaxing plan that Nymeria suggested seems like the perfect medicine for the both of us – a fresh start after a good sleep!
    And yes, the triple-washed thing weirded me out too. I started asking “just how dirty was this lettuce?” and then got scared. I’ll stick to my organic once-washed stuff methinks. :) And yes, eating the whole bag always happens! But how? I’ll never know. Nom. :)
    And with that my dearest love, I wish you a wonderful Friday evening and rejuvenating weekend!

    1. Urg, that crud is never good. I hope you are feeling much, much better!

      Your image of a burrowing mole makes me think of The Wind in the Willows when Mole has been spring cleaning all day, and in an attempt to escape the rest of his dusting he flees his hole and meets Ratty. Totally random, yes, but it made me smile! :)

      It’s good to know i am in such good company with my salad bag eating compulsions. It’s hard not to! x

  4. it was a couple (jes a cuppul) years before you wuzz bornulated, (in 1968) I had a sociology teacher who told the class he flipped out when he saw an ad wherein a housewife goes nuts because some cleaning product makes whatever MORE THAN CLEAN. kind of like compulsive hand-washingly three times, mesupposes.
    my whole family digs the guy richie snatch, and lockstock2smokingbarrells and i suspect we’re missing at least another … what’s the one with clive owens and thandie newton?
    i think “this weekend” will be delayed ’til later february when my grandson comes to visit! i’m still in cra(i)g cullerawdough motel, mucking about while it’s light doing wellsite reclamation work thru’ tomorrow (satyrday). sigh. but at least i’m not a hobo!

    1. There is definitely something to be said for over cleaning. I mean, a certain amount of germs should be expected, should they not?

      I will definitely check out Snatch, but I don’t know the other one. If you think of it, let me know!

      Glad to hear that you aren’t living of a train hopper, heading from one destination to the next. I’m sure you are looking forward to your visit with the GS. Safe drive home!

  5. Not a huge fan of beets (sorry) but I wouldn’t mind a berry smoothie right now. *races off to find blender and strawberries*

    As for feeling stretched too thin, I get that way too sometimes. But that’s when I take some time out and just chill so that I can figure out what is a priority and what’s not.

    1. Hey no worries! You are completely entitled to your own beet opinion! :) Hmmm, berry smoothies all on their own are totes the best.

      Your plan for dealing with over stretched days is spot on. This weekend I didn’t do anything that I didn’t want to do and it was grand!

  6. Beets are great. I am a fan of the green smoothies though, spirulina baby! (Not so much kale and spinach for me.) So, just getting caught up on weeks of not having time for the fun stuff I do on the internet – ie. blog reading & skyping! Wow I loved your set, the redskins joke stuck with me as extra hilarious! So wow that’s amazing news about the comedyfest, make sure you let us know when and I will highly recommend the show to friends back in BC!!

    Triple washed lettuce is excessive. I am with you, what the heck happened to make it so dirty?? Lettuce does grow above ground the last time I looked (in my garden at least!).

    I think I am on the same page with life right now – one big beet berry smoothie. We’ve been non-stop busy since before Christmas and although some calm has arrived this week, we are going away this coming weekend (hello kai festival!! oh, Kai is the Maori word for food – so excited for a day of eating!) and then moving house the following weekend… and THEN hopefully more calm. We’re into the immigration process in a big way which means it’s been a time suck for weeks! So my advice, hmm, find that light at the end of the tunnel to focus on and keep on trucking. Or, knock a few things off your to-do list and just relax. I have decided that bathrooms don’t need cleaning weekly, sometimes not even every two weeks haha. Stuff like that. I have moved things in my calendar a few months into the future in some cases because yes I’d love to learn to make perogies from scratch but I don’t NEED to do it now just because I’ve thought of it now, save it for my indoor winter weekends. Slowing down is my tip. That helps even though it does always sound like a better idea to keep going at full speed just so that things are done, but you end up so much less sane. So seriously, just take some stuff of your list ;)

    But things are good, summer is starting to slowly wind down, the kids start school this week but the sun has come to stay! We’ve been up at the festival of lights they run over the past month (free concerts every night!) and unfortunately not as many beach days as this sunshine should entail! On Saturday we took part in a cycle relay and although you are a super sportswoman so it won’t sound like much, I did 26 km! So proud of myself! Dustin went for 44km!! Speaking of your super sportswomanlyness, if you’re doing Tough Mudder in Whistler this year, we’re up there that weekend for a wedding so let me know if you’re staying up there and maybe we can catch up! Cheers, hope that life becomes more like a smooth chocolate fountain than a beet berry smoothie for you soon! Hopefully I get reading your blog back into my daily/weekly schedule too! :)

    1. Hi!! Oh my goodness, first I must send my apologies for not keeping up with your fab blog! I will be sure to catch up this week. I want to hear more about your adventures over the holidays and of course the growing saga of immigration application. That really is so exciting that you guys are moving towards a permanent settling in NZ! Once all the hard work is done it will be so totally worth it. Keep us posted!

      Where are you moving too? That’s also cool news! Hope goes the job at the hospital? And is Dustin working saner hours at his job?

      Enjoy the food festival, that sounds absolutely delish!

      I am really trying to learn how to say no and pare down all the things I am doing outside of work. It’s just so hard when I am so passionate about all of them (and really love having them be a part of my life!) Can I just clone myself, or what?

      The festival of the lights sounds beautiful! I would love to see what that’s all about. Also, that’s amazing about your biking! You sound like a bonafide sports woman to me – 26km is nothing to sniff at, that’s for sure.

      It would be so wonderful to see you and Dustin when you’re hear this summer. We aren’t sure about Tough Mudder, but keep us abreast of the dates that you are in town. Either way it would be great to catch up!

      Have a brilliant start to your week! xx

  7. Oh, friend, my life, too, seems like an odd beet/berry smoothie, swirling quickly around in the blender of life.

    Ok, that was super lame, but I’m sure you understand.

    The house never feels clean, my to-do list continues to grow ever larger and I feel I’m not crossing things off quickly enough. There are two closets with things in them that need organizing and I haven’t seen the top of my desk for weeks. It’s an odd feeling, I’m loving my new job and spending time with Ryan and the food I’m cooking, but in all other areas of my life I’m completely mixed up. I haven’t even found time to blog in two weeks – unacceptable.

    Why is life so crazy right now? Think it’s the time of year? Let’s take a vacation. I’m thinking a beach…

    1. Totally the blender of life, right? I’m feeling ya!

      Man, you have no idea how much I want to run away with you to the beach. That is pretty much my dream. And why IS life so nutty? I haven’t a clue – maybe the new year is finally catching up?

      Stay sane my friend! Big love! xx

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