To whom it may concern

And now for something completely different

[Disclaimer: I am feeling particularly bonkers this afternoon.]

So I was motoring about the downtown core, playing my usual, much loved lunch-time game (you know, the one called “Try on all the clothes and photograph yourself like a total weirdo”) when I espied the below sandwich board:

It was the weirdest moment because upon reading this I actually felt like I needed to prove to the sign that I could actually, you know, speak English – like I had to show the (strangely) threatening advertisement that this was something I had already mastered.

But then I kind of went completely nuts.

In my mind I was all: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I already CAN speak English! English, English, English! Bet you weren’t exactly expecting THAT, were you, you sandwich board you! Not only that, but I can also speak French and have a highly unstable grasp of Russian and German!

I AM THE MICHAEL PHELPS OF LANGUAGES.

BOOYAKASHA.

Erm.

What’s wrong with me?

Also, on a slightly less bizarre note, shouldn’t the sign read “Learn English now!” and not “Speak English now”?

I mean, anyone can speak a language – I could probably speak Korean or Portuguese as the day is long – I just wouldn’t know what the bloody heck it was that I was saying.

And at the risk of sounding like the Old Spice Man, or Lady Gaga penning her obituary via Madlibs, it’s definitely always best to know the meaning of the words coming out of your mouth.

I mean, if someone actually came up to me and told me they wanted my leather studded kiss in the sand I would think they were totes mcgotes cray-cray.

But then I’d be all “SPEAK ENGLISH MAN!” not “LEARN ENGLISH MAN!”

And then I’d remember this day and concede defeat to the language school sandwich board.

And then I’d make a sandwich.

14 thoughts on “And now for something completely different

      1. I think it is madness on their part. You would only be able to read the sign if you already knew English. So having the sign in English suggesting you attend thier course to learn English seems kind of stupid. Shouldn’t the sign have asked the question in a number of different languages to attract those who actually needed to learn? And kind of scary that a place of learning couldn’t figure that out?
        You are not mad my friend, you just temporarily lost the plot. :)

  1. russian (“dosh na dawn ya”) & gervermin? (ve gait es einen?)
    and you were gwan in francais not toooo long ago. and balk at my pidgeon (whaddootheycawllit? — I can’t remember! but it’s jungly!) espangolischnikkakken?? yes, yer weigh beeyawnd mikael phelpps …

    1. I do not balk, I marvel! Seriously, I always look forward to deciphering you notes.

      I would say that you too are pretty high up there – fluent in both spanish, english, and espangolischnikkakken!

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