Sometimes I eavesdrop. Sometimes.

“I have always wanted to go to France.”

“I was in France once. I was in Normandy. On the beach.”

“Wow! I can only imagine how beautiful that must have been.”

“It was D-Day. Juno.”

“I want to make him admit that he wants me too. I want to hear that he wants to fuck me. I want him to admit that he wants to fuck me as much as I want to fuck him.”

“Have you asked him if he’s married?”

“No. I thought that would be inappropriate.”

“Did you know that ducks rape?”

“What!? No they don’t.”

“Oh yes they do. I saw it happen.”


“I – [leans in closer] I witnessed a duck gang rape. I witnessed a gang rape!”

[Waitress walks by]


“You are so beautiful.”

[Pretending] “I am sorry…I – I don’t understand.”

[Moves closer, touches her waist] “You, you are remarkable.”

“I – I don’t speak English…”

“You are S-E-X-Y. Where are you from?”

“I – um – Francais? I am French.”

“I saw this band before they were big. In Ontario last year.”


[Shouting, slowly] “This band! I saw them! Last…year.”

[Shakes head]

“That seemed a lot cooler in my head.”


“You are so sexy.” [Shakes head sadly, brushes her breasts as he walks away.]

“You know how they said dudes go through sexual maturity at 18?”


“And how they say dudes feel the need to spread their semen around to make babies and continue their lineage?”

“Um. Yeah.”

“Well, I kind of feel like that. Only I don’t want to spread the lineage. I just want dudes to want me.”

“I get it.”

“You feel the same way?”

“No. But I get why you would. You’re fucking hot.”

“I like Taylor Swift.”


“She’s got great lipstick. And I dance to her songs.”


“She’s killing me man.”


“She wears her tights up to her boobs.”


“No for real. Sometimes I swear they double as a bra.”

“What? Her tights?”

“It’s not a sexy look.”

“I’m afraid nobody respects me.”

“Well that’s crap. Everybody thinks you’re extraordinary.”

“I cry. I cry at all of the beauty.”

“Can I ask you a question?”


“Do you go looking for this beauty? Or you does it come to you naturally? Intrinsically?”

[Thinks] “Both. But mostly I am overwhelmed. Every day.”

[Thinks] “I wish I could do this.”

[Takes hand] “You can.”

“The guy WAS Stalin.”



“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

4 thoughts on “Sometimes I eavesdrop. Sometimes.”

  1. I eavesdrop all the time. But I’m also an introvert so I listen a lot more than I speak. I like taking a little slice from someone else’s life. This was great as always :)

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