To whom it may concern

And the itsy bitsy spider

Dear readers,

It’s May 5th.

I am sitting on my couch. There is a sleepy cat in my lap, and an even sleepier husband dozing in the sunroom just behind me.

My butt is sore from all of the jump squats I completed yesterday.

Strangely enough, I feel no side-effects from the seventy-fish push-ups.

This must mean I am getting stronger.

(At least arm-wise; not ass-wise.)

In the past two months these things have happened:

Marc and I sold our townhome and bought and moved into a new house. We have a beautiful garden and grassy yard, with a large patio and gas bbq. On days when the weather cooperates, we like to sit under the sun’s strong rays and wax poetic about our little piece of heaven.

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Our home was built in 1907.

If there are ghosts, they are friendly.

On April 6 I ran a personal best in the Sunshine Coast half-marathon. Completing the course in 1:31:13, I came 11th overall for all of the ladies, and 7th in my age group.

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It ended up being a very warm day to run 21.1km. Regret, they name is an Under Armour long-sleeve shirt.

(I need to really remember that start-line gooseflesh is fleeting.)

I’ve been re-reading quite a bit of Robertson Davies. Six months ago it was the Salterton Trilogy, and now I’m halfway through The Depford Trilogy.

Oh! For that man’s way with words.

Marc and I have also made a budget.

Things be serious, folks.

In June I am visiting Chicago for four days. In August, Hawaii for nine.

Tough Mudder is June 21.

I will be the strongest.

(Seriously, I am Linda Hamiltoning this race like a bamf).

The one true fly in the ointment is that I haven’t been sleeping very well for the past month. In fact, there are only two days since perhaps the birth of the New Year that I can remember sleeping soundly through the night.

Sometimes I believe it might never happen again.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with work, and life, and thoughts, and fears, and loves, that there is no room left over to live (let alone sleep).

What I want is to live purely and plainly, without early-morning heartaches, without bed sheets soaked through from my rising panic and clammy sweat, without the sensation of a lead weight pressing down on my chest, through my chest, into my heart, through my heart.

Only I’m not sure how.

Dear readers,

Today is June 16th.

I recently returned from a five day trip to the land of deep dish, skyscrapers, and wind.

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Seriously, Chicago is the best.

(The only thing that isn’t the best is Chicago baseball. But take my word for it when I say that this opinion isn’t a knock on the White Sox themselves per se, but more so on the sport in general. Because good grief is that crap ever boring.)

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SORRY NOT SORRY.

I’ve been sleeping much better of late – trying as I might to get my anxiety in check and buckle down on long-term, effective coping mechanisms that will quiet and quell the run-run-running of words throughout my head on a second to second basis.

It’s a work in progress, but my nose is grinding away on that stone like a grinding thing.

Of late I feel like I could run forever.

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Of late I like to imagine myself as swift-footed Atalanta, charging past her would-be suitors (and in the act, signing their death warrants), racing free from all worldly constraints. The only difference of course being my penchant from outlet mall spandex and race t-shirts.

One day I will spend a whack load of cash dollars on expensive beautiful running gear.

But until that day, I’m going to keep on keeping on looking like I belong on the cover of a 1979 copy of Runner’s World.

And that’s hot stuff.

I’ve never once stopped thinking about all of y’alls.

Thank you for your comments, emails, and words of concern and encouragement.

Tune in next time – same bat time, same bat channel.

(Same batty writer.)

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I’m climbing up that spout.

 

13 thoughts on “And the itsy bitsy spider

  1. Wow, where is your new house? That’s quite exciting and it looks like a lovely yard! Good on you with the half marathon time!! Ooo tough mudder is going to be exciting, sounds like you are well prepped for it :)

    Lovely to have you back, I’ve been thinking of getting in touch and then life gets in the way. Good to know it’s all good things keeping you away (ok aside from the lack of sleep, but good to hear that’s gotten better!)

    Catch ya next time!

    1. New West! Haha, we actually moved 600m away from our old town house. Classic Marc and Vanessa move.

      Lovely to hear from you too! Man, isn’t it so crazy how easily time and life seems to get away from you?

      How is everything in NZ? Would love to hear about your adventures!
      x

  2. Love reading your blog, Vanessa. Glad to hear all your latest news. Oh if only life wasn’t so hectic we would have more time. I wish I could return to Paradise with you guys at the same time! Love Greeemo. Congrats on your personal best and all the other honours and amazing accomplishments. :-)

    1. Thanks Greemo!

      I know, life just passes by so quickly, it’s so hard to keep track!

      I wish we could all go back to Halei’wa…it was the most magical time!

      And thank you! We need to have you back to the new house to hang in the garden. :)

  3. It sounds like you’re mulling through the muck and mire and making the most fabulous mud pies. Your persistence is impressive, and it looks like you had a top notch time in my old home state (I moved to Florida almost two months ago, yikes!)

    1. Ms. Laura Beth! I have been following your St. Petersburg adventures via email (thank you for including me!) and I am so sorry that I haven’t been writing back. Please know that I always love to get your updates – your writing is so warm I feel as though I am right there with you.

      (At first I thought you had moved to Russia! I was a little confused…)

      I LOVED your home state! Would go back in a flash. Chicago is just the bees knees (must like yourself.)

      Looking forward to catching up more!
      x

  4. it’s like that line from “O BRUTHUR, WEAR >>>?” - instead of we thought yew wuzza toed, we thought you wuzz dedd! So apparently not, just yet.
    Chicago: I’ve had a bit o’ fun there.
    Sleep: THAT’s what tiggers do best! (weigh up there in/on my seniorCitizenCane hawbeez)
    Nice slice o’ heaven, when it ain’t wreineeng. Really. Nice sunset pict. Nice tired marc selfie.
    Fast 21.1 k. TOUGH age group!!
    Betteez closer to you than me, bein’ gran-maw in P, OR. We had fun at our “annual triathlon” (maybe … big boring blog about that, naaaa… probly knot) and are proud they gave team awards to 3 and we were 4th.
    There is so much to get depressed about (no, I won’t even start, but “weeds” and house/property/vehicle maintenance is way up there) so I usually have a beer, or 2, first, and lite a cigar, and sometimes go fishing instead.
    I haven’t been a ‘regular’ goalie since 2007 but part of the gig is that I bring the beer.
    You’re muddy soon! Glad you’re gonna warrior(ess) thru’ it – “we” have muddybuddeez and such too, but personally I avoid those as about once a year one of the regular trail race/runs is mud run …
    Hawaii? Comedy club tour?

    1. TERRIFIC NOTE (as per the usual…where to start!?)

      Okay – definitely want to hear about the fun that was had in Chicago. Was Betty with you? I am sure there were shananigans a’plenty. A PLENTY.

      Man, I need to channel my inner Tigger. Need more snooze, but have been getting up early to run outside of the heatzone of the day and also watch all of the world cup soccer matches.

      Love the sunset pic – Chicago at its best!

      Thanks for the run kuddos! SUCH a fast group this year. I ran faster than last year and placed further back. The woman who won ran the entire thing in a tutu, finishing in 1:14. What the heck!!

      Great job with the triathlon! 4th is nothing to snuff at. Good stuff sir!

      Haha, I loathe vehicle maintenance. Instead of fishing I like to bake and drink wine.

      Tough Mudder was intense! I am totally bruised (getting better) but my running partner and I finished in 2h30m. Good stuff!

      Hawaii in a month! Comedy tour…stay tuned!

  5. Wow. I’d never really contemplated the meaning of the Itsy Bitsy Spider song before. Excuse me I have to go think and cry for nine hours. xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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