There are certain things in life that, upon completion, I always expect some kind of award in recognition of my efforts.
Even though this is completely nuts, and mostly a joke, I’m not going to lie – there is always a little part of me that’s totally incredulous that, after I finish whatever it is that I am doing, a random stranger didn’t just pop out of my closet and be all, “Congratulations Vanessa! You are a champ and a half, and as such, please accept this medal, bouquet of flowers, and massive Swiss chocolate bar.”
(And then the entire neighbourhood would shower me with praise and applause.)
(Or something to that effect.)
So without further ado, here are few of the activities that I always assume, once complete, should be feted with vigour:
1. Shaving my legs (also: shave my armpits and tweeze my eyebrows. See: hair removal in general – seriously, I’ve written about it.)
2. Painting my finger nails and managing to not completely mess them up.
3. Cleaning the bathtub. (Not the bathroom. Just the tub. Because the tub is the worst.)
4. Ironing anything.
5. Eating leftovers.
6. Holding a plank position for one minute straight.
7. Saying that I’m going to go to bed by 10pm and then actually doing it.
8. Fixing anything. (But mostly appliances.)
9. Correctly completing a Word mail merge.
10. Running after work in the rain.
11. Stretching after I run.
12. Choosing anything other than the nutella strawberry crepe. (This has yet to happen. But it will be monumental when it does.)
13. Curling my hair.
14. Using only one water glass the entire day.
15. “Beating” the guy running the other way around the park’s loop.
16. Just as I’m falling asleep, feeling Nymeria jump onto the bed and cuddle up next to my feet. (I’m not exactly sure why this should be celebrated, but it should be stressed that I feel like the best person in the world when it happens.)
17. Somehow managing to put on eyeliner (the one time a year when I give it the old college try.)
18. Doing four loads of laundry and having all the socks pair up.
19. Completing twenty push-ups in a row.
20. Flossing my teeth when I’m too tired to move.
I’m sure there are others that I could add to this list, yet alas, they are not coming to my mind.
So instead, I pass along #21 and onward to you dear readers? What are the normal, mundane tasks that make you feel like masters of the universe?
Do share, as I’d love to know.
In the meantime, I’ll get going on those chocolate bars.