These are not the droids you are looking for

Hey chickadees.

Another Friday, another Fry-Up.

The weeks have just been zooming by, and I find it practically impossible to wrap my head around the fact that we are but one sleep away from the first day of Christmas (or the beginning of December, if you will).

Wouldn’t it be lovely to wake up tomorrow to a partridge in a pear tree?

Five golden rings wouldn’t be so bad either.

This week I had my last talk with the United Way Speakers Bureau Series. I spoke at fifteen events over the last month and a half, and overall it was a tremendous experience to present for such a varied group of businesses and organizations.

I truly hope I get to do it again next year.

Meanwhile, we are but six days away (SIX!!!) from stand-up comedy fest 2012. Next Thursday is liftoff (laughter wise) and I am SO EXCITED.



I’ve been practicing my material like a practicing thing, and in the most random of places too – in the shower, whilst out running, on skytrain – people must think I’m bloody bonkers.

(More so than usual, and that’s definitely saying something.)

My teacher told me that she’s never before met a young lady who talks as much about murder in her set as I do.

Murder and noses and yogurt. (Oh my!)

At least I’m original, right?

Now let’s get cracking.

First on the docket:

A hairy situation.



It would seem as though someone can never leave well enough alone (or learn her damn lesson.)

You see, recently I noticed that my roots were starting to grow in (grow out?), and I decided that instead of paying someone to touch up what was definitely less than an inch of new hair growth, it would be much easier to just purchase some dye-in-a-box and do it myself.

I went to Shoppers and purchased “Midnight Sky” thinking it would be a great match for my now mostly raven locks.


It’s too bad no one told me that after getting your tresses dyed professionally, your hair can undergo some pretty whacky chemical changes. (Ie. don’t use the box stuff because it won’t change your hair to the colour that you think it will.)


IMG_2645 - Copy

Good grief.

I can’t win.

So I’m out coach.

For real this time.

Laugh it up fuzzball.

Look at this computer repair shop!


It’s called Jawa Computers!

This makes me happier than you can ever know.

Santa Baby.

I told Marc that I was going to buy one of these outfits as one of his Christmas presents:


And then I laughed and laughed.

(I’m definitely still laughing.)

My apologies to all the La Senza Christmas-ware aficionados out there, but for me, these getups are just so ridiculous that I have a hard time understanding how they actually exist in real life.

I mean, come on – in what world is this sexy (and not just amazingly hilarious?)

And don’t get me wrong, if laughter really IS the thing that totally lights your fire, than undoubtedly this sexy Santa (sexy Mrs. Claus?) lingerie is a perfect ensemble for you and yours to enjoy.

But for me, if I somehow came into ownership of such a costume, I would just constantly pretend I was in a Billy Mack music video, while walking around making ludicrous and exceptionally tacky puns about quasi-phallic holiday items.

Your candy cane is so big! Come fill up my stocking… (etc. etc.)

And I would laugh and laugh.

What about you folks?

What’s going down in your neck of the woods these days?

I want to hear all about it. Happy Friday to you all!

Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

19 thoughts on “These are not the droids you are looking for”

  1. bahhhhh(g), humbu(r)ggg …

    but i will search for a video, unless you make it easy, and there ain’t no surtschng involvd, of yer upcoming comedy thang!

  2. Awww… you poor thing. I am a hairstylist, and first of all, no one should use box color. But just a little tip: Box color was created for the client that is looking to cover gray/white. With that being said, box color 9 out of 10 times has warm undertones. Also the heat from your head will process your roots faster, and all virgin hair has a warmer remaining pigment, which is also why your roots pulled warm. P.S. You are beautiful and deserve to have a professional customize your color for you! :)

    1. Thank you so much for this brilliant note! I was wondering what the heck went wrong…now I know :) And believe you me, next time I will most definitely be going and having it done professionally.

      Thanks for stopping my lady! x

  3. I feel it in my fingers…I feel it in my toes!

    Sorry, it gets stuck in my head occasionally. And then I go around singing just those lines, very loudly, in a fake British accent. It’s fun!

    Yay you kicking bum on your speeches! And good luck at your stand up gig…the very thought scares me, I could never do standup.

    Happy December/Friday/Christmas season!!


    1. YES! I love it. Sing away in any British accent you chose :)

      I will post the video when I have a chance…eep! So soon!

      Happy, happy December to you to lady! Wishing you the jolliest of jollies, always! xx

  4. The sexy Santa lingerie would definitely detract from the box roots. Think about it. Plus, I guarantee you that your husband would like to see you in this stuff. You could be a good sport and take one for the team…I’m just sayin’!

    1. Hilarious! I don’t know…I feel like I might get sometime that he could enjoy that wouldn’t make me feel like some weird Christmas-fetish stripper? I’ll give it some thought! x

  5. too bad i can’t get ‘betty’ to wander around on werdpress. but sheez out mingling with live people @ the bookclub meetings, thingz like that.
    NEVERtheLESS: today she spent $7 to dye her hair, herself, came parading out for me to see — it looked fine. “& i didn’t spend $70 having someone else do it” she sez …

  6. Can’t wait to hear how the stand up goes!! Will you give us a you tube show after you’ve debuted??? :)

    Haha, I always wonder about the sexy Christmas stuff too – I mean it’s kind of warped that it’s based on an old man with a beard and his outfit! But if not that then I am sure there would be a SEXY STOCKING and a SEXY CHRISTMAS CRACKER…. ;)

  7. Standup comedy just around the corner?! Woohoo!!! So excited to hear how it goes. Are you enjoying the classes so far?
    All the Star Wars quotes made me happy, thanks! :)

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