Call me home and I will build you a throne

Hi kidlets.

Today my love and I are up on the Sunshine Coast, drinking dark, sugary coffee, sitting in front of the fire.

The bay sits cool, and calm, just outside our window; every so often a duck armada will sail past, marking a course for the next dock or rush.

They call out to one another, “Over here!”

Oh boy, do I really love ducks.

M and I are up here for an extra long weekend, relishing the opportunity to just sit back and breathe, and actually spend some time together.

We’ve both been running about with our hair set on fire, and looking forward, well, the next few months aren’t exactly going to be relaxation central.

So we’re going to revel in this beauty and eat, drink, run, read, laugh, and love.

In the meantime, Fry-up time!

This doesn’t actual seem “cosmopolitan”.

While standing in line at Safeway the other night, waiting to pay for my raspberries, eggs, mint chocolate ice cream bars, granny smith apples, and unsalted butter (aka THE STAPLES), I came across this:

Oh Cosmo.

Champion that it is of the high-brow (not to mention safe haven for intellectually rigorous prose), it never, ever fails to surprise me with the depths of depravity (and inanity) in which it is willing to sink.

And don’t even get me started on the people who buy this shite, because if I do I will spend the next half hour alternating between banging my head against the wall and falling to my knees shouting WHHHHHYYYYY?

Instead, let’s have some fun shall we?

For instance, what are some alternate answers to the question:

“So you ate a cupcake?”

Are you allergic to cupcakes?! If yes, you should probably go to the hospital!

Was it chocolate or vanilla? WAS IT MARBLED? Never trust a marbled cupcake.

Did it fall on the floor first? Remember the five second rule. Longer than five seconds and I’ll have to eat it.

How do you feel about being a cupcake murderer?

Is it weird that one of the first things that pops into my head when I hear cupcake is Katy Perry’s boobs?

I hate Katy Perry.

Cupcake in French is petit gâteaux, which in terms of a french word is lame as heck.

Would you like another one before we start the self-flagellation? Self-flagellation starts in five.

And finally: Who bloody very well cares? YEESH.



But seriously, don’t beat yourself up over one stupid pastry.

It totally defeats the purpose, because after all, cupcakes are made from happiness.

They should make you happy.

p.s. My tips for hot late night sex? Sleep all day first.

Stripes and waves.

I bought a few pretty pretties this week:

The skirt is from H&M and the sweater is from Joe Fresh.

I am massively in love with the skirt because it looks like it is made up of little white-capped waves. I wore it to work yesterday with a black turtle next, grey tights and little black boots.

Basically, I was a superhero.

Also, I probably should have just bought one of these sweaters in each available colour because goodness knows I had a hard time deciding which one to purchase.

Stripes are always the best.

What can I saw, I love me some old-timey jail bird chic.

East meets west.

Seeing as though we’re away for a couple of days I thought it best to bring a back-up book just in case I finish the one I am currently working on.

I started Wolf Hall a lifetime ago, and although I really liked  it, somehow it fell by the wayside and I didn’t make it past the half-way point.

Now I’m back, knee deep in Tudor gossip and intrigue.

If I do in fact finish this tome, I have brought some Dostoevsky to satisfy my literary urges.

I had my first real Russian love affair with Mr. Fyodor when I was in first-year of uni. Somehow I’ve managed to read most of his bibliography, save for this work, so I look forward to finally cracking it open.

There is something about his mastery of the macabre that just delights me to no end.

This could of course say more about my deranged psyche than his fantastical wordplay, but I’m one to stay positive.

(Unlike, of course, Mr. D.)

So there you have it folks.

I wish you a weekend filled with good books, delicious food, crackling fires, wind-swept walks, and all the laughs your abdominal muscles can take.

And have a cupcake or two – on me.

Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

19 thoughts on “Call me home and I will build you a throne”

    1. Thanks!! We didn’t have cupcakes, but we did have profiteroles and gingerbread cookies (pretty good substitutes!) And well, as for the other bit, a lady never tells. ;)

  1. LOVE me some Russian authors…I have an odd love affair with all Russian literature. I’m not sure why, but these things aren’t things you question. Ever read The Captain’s Daughter, by Pushkin? It’s one of my very very favorites.

    As far as late night sex and cupcakes, I’d much rather:
    1. Be sleeping late at night
    2. Have the cupcake instead of the sex? Does that make me weird? Well, don’t tell the boy.

    Have so much fun with your man this weekend! You deserve it.


    1. Thanks Miss! We had a super lovely time. As for super late sex, I’m right there with you. I’m tired at night! I’d probably chose to have both, but at a reasonable hour of the day ;) Haha!

      I will have to check out the Captain’s Daughter. I haven’t read a ton of Pushkin, which is strange because I’ve read quite a bit of other authors. y dread would be to one day read them in the original Russian, but that would require time, time, and more time!

      Thanks for the recommendation!

  2. Old timey jail bird chic is back in? Sweet!! :)
    Glad you had some time to relax! We are on the opposite side of relaxed as we tried to get our application for residency on the go! Not a fun way to spend Saturday night!
    But at least we made up the difference by having friends round for lunch that turned into dinner turned into chatting until about 8pm… sure needed the distraction!

    1. I can imagine that must be taking up so much time! Bureaucracy is never, ever fun. Good luck with the applications! Hopefully there will be lots more hangouts to breakup the stress :)

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