I speak, of course, of Halloween candy and politics.
Doubt it? Then check this out – this election ad (albeit American) is one of the most unintentionally hilarious things I have ever seen. All I can ask is, “who the heck who would actually sign off on this? And why the cigarette? Can we please stop speaking in clichés? NO SERIOUSLY, WHO VETTED THIS PROJECT?”
Also, is it just me, or during the last round of federal elections, did campaign ads turn into movie trailers? I felt as though every time one came on the television I was watching a preview for Canada Wars Episode Six: Return of the Majority.
Anywho, in the spirit of Halloween, I present to you, dear readers, my top six costume ideas for those brave and politically nerdtastic souls who are looking to dress up as Canada’s finest defenders of democracy (and all starring players in the above mentioned film.)
So in no particular order, let us start with:
1. Bev Oda
What you need: Black wig, black sunglasses, black coat, lit cigarette, enough self-confidence to wipe out the entire Cosmo-mag empire and a cutthroat side-eye that that screams: “no if, ands, or buts – I will cut you.”
2. Justin Trudeau
What you need: Crisp tailored three-piece suit, just-floppy-enough-but-just-curly-enough brown haired wig, gorgeous wife and the weight of the entire Canadian Liberal Party’s fate on your shoulders. Remember: NO FUR.
3. Rodney MacDonald
What you need: A fiddle, two east-coast music award nominations and a huge loss of confidence. Bonus: the ability to step-dance.
4. Christy Clark
What you need: A David Schreck approved turtle neck.
5. Stéphane Dion
What you need: A super cute dog named after a Japanese city, top-rimmed glasses, silver fox hair-do, and no I’m not going to say anything mean bout M. Dion because I have a huge soft spot for him because he reminds me of the every-dad, and you ask the every-dad to help you with your science homework or to drive you to your volley ball game. You do not ask the everydad to run the country. Why? Because the every-dad is too busy doing DIY stuff in the basement, solving climate change and wearing Cosby sweaters. COME ON PEOPLE!
6. Pierre-Luc Dusseault
What you need: A fake ID.
As for me?
Today I shed my muggleness for a brief foray into the world of wizardry.
ACCIO MINI-CHOCOLATE BARS!