To whom it may concern

I have an issue to ‘a dress’

Remember ladies –

IMG_20130213_073501

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WEDDING.

Seriously.

You can work hard at your job, your academics, your athletic endeavours; you can scale mountains, or travel all across the globe; you can learn foreign languages, form amazing friendships, hide out in the woods, or start a billion dollar company; you can cook brilliant meals, and read all the books, watch all the movies, or write all the plays.

But none of that matters.

Nor do any of these things even come close to the importance of finding a man who will eventually ask you to marry him.

Because if a man doesn’t ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, that means you will never be able to make YOUR MOST IMPORTANT FASHION PURCHASE OF YOUR LIFE.

Which, of course, is your WEDDING DRESS.

Not that amazing suit you scrimped and saved up for, in the lead up to your biggest and most important job interview.

Not that amazing pair of shoes you waited forever to go on sale and snatched them the moment you could afford them, because they make you feel like a superhero when you wear them.

Not that concert t-shirt you bought in grade nine and then proceeded to wear every day for a year, because that event, up until that point, was the most seminal music experience of your life.

Not the dress you bought for your grandfather’s funeral, or the pair of runners you bought for your first big road race, or those yoga pants that make you feel invincible, or those sunglasses that make you look like an international spy.

Not that amazing sports bra that you adamantly wash by hand because you fear it wearing out, or that ten dollar sundress you wore all last summer because you will never find anything so cute and comfortable for the rest of your days.

None of these things matter.

What a second –

*looks around*

IS THIS 2013 OR WHAT?

How are we still dealing with this crazy bullshit?

A woman’s wedding dress is not the most important fashion purchase of her life.

Not unless a masked killer is actually holding a gun to her head yelling “IMMA MURDER YOU UNLESS YOU PURCHASE A WEDDING DRESS!!!!”

Then, I am willing to agree that it was a pretty important buy.

But only then!

And this is coming from a married woman. Who loved both her dress, and her wedding.

Not to mention that I LOVE love. Like, a lot.

And I am all for people coming together to support, celebrate, and embrace this part of life.

But this whole conceit, this long-standing mythology that a wedding is somehow day NUMERO UNO for all the LAIDEEZ makes me want to rip all the hair from my head.

What kind of message do you think this is sending to little girls? And little boys?

Could you imagine a piece on a man’s “most important fashion purchase”?

The idea is so far-fetched I am having a hard time even imaging what it could possibly be.

But goodness knows, it sure is easy to promote the age old trope of the overarching, MEGA HUGE importance of a wedding dress. I mean, if it wasn’t, why the heck would we still be publishing utter crap, like the above photographed article?

Which is basically can be summed up in the following equation: WOMAN+WEDDING = LIFE GOAL – ACHIEVED!

Urg.

Of course, this is not me saying that women should not love their wedding dresses.

Oh no.

I’m just saying that it’s imperative for us to remember that: ALL WOMEN = so much more than an “I DO.”

Ya know what I mean?

Or should I be saying –

Do you?

30 thoughts on “I have an issue to ‘a dress’

  1. well i know the only reason i even married AJ was so that i could buy my wedding dress, why else would anyone bother with marriage? ;)

  2. An article regarding a man’s most important fashion purchase should, I think, be devoted to the codpiece.

    It is crazy to think that women still devote so much time, energy, and money on something they’ll wear once. Silly.

      1. (pleez) don’t ask how, but during a hockey frantic dogpile episode i ended up with the puck in the, uh, cup.
        this was a few years ago and i had mercifully forgotten about it, ’til just now.

  3. I do!
    We are more than the dress we nearly kill ourselves to fit into and then wear for 8 hours before trying to decide where to store it for the rest of our days…knowing that no one is going to love it as much as we ever did. I had my dress made while in Hong Kong because I got what I wanted in beautiful fabric at a fantastic price. However, I have had far more important purchases in the days since…and when I buy the dream Chanel handbag this year it will be the most important…thus far! :)
    Cheers,
    Laura

    p.s. An article devoted to a man’s most important fashion purchase is either going to be about his first jock-strap or the first time he has to buy his own underwear because his mommy doesn’t buy them anymore.

    1. Laura, I absolutely adore you! I knew you would have some absolutely amazing fashion purchase to talk about – I was totally thinking about you when i wrote this!

      LOL! That underwear right of passage really is something, isn’t it? Ahhh, you are simply the best! xx

  4. Ugh. And this on top of all the twisted messages that a woman’s worth equates to the size of her diamond engagement ring. Now we have dresses and “the big day” to contend with. It’s created such a messed up view of love, romance, and relationships. I know too many women who’s boyfriends had to scrimp and save for years because they knew the engagement ring had to be humongous. What kind of a message does that send to men too?! How damaging for a guy to think that his value is wrapped around how much “stuff” he can provide. Sure, a wedding is a very special event, and the clothing is exciting if you’re into fashion. But surely it’s not the be-all end-all of life and the crowning achievement of a relationship.
    As J and I talk about our future plans I keep coming back to the fact that when we’re ready to make that step, I just want to do it. A little hoopla perhaps, a fun day, but I don’t want to break the bank over it because I’d so much rather buy a house, go on an amazing honeymoon and make memories.

    1. As per the usual, you are spot on (and so very eerily similar – seriously, we are two peas in a pod my dear!)

      I just know that whatever you and Mr. J get up to for your shindig, it will be perfectly “you” – a celebration of love, life, family, friends, food, fun, brilliance, and beauty. Which is everything a celebration of two people coming together should be!
      Ahhhh, like I said, I really do love love! (And you. Goodness knows I adore you too!) xx

  5. Crap….my wife’s mother hand sewed her wedding dress. Apparently the time, work and love put into that lovely gown was all for naught. Oh well, I have a lot of bad habits and enjoy pissing people off in a country where people can own AK-47s so hopefully I will die young enough for her to do it right the second time. Now to take out a better life insurance policy so that she can afford it.

  6. First of all let me say I loved all of my wedding dresses. I think of them as some of my best party outfits, I still have my most recent one stored in a a big silver Nortsrom’s box. It was handmade from a picture I found in a magazine,and someday I think I might use the fabric to make a quilt. If I ever remember where I stashed it.

    My first dress that I paid $72 for was full length satin with a wonderful lace bodice. It went into my kids dress up box, and my daughter once asked me “Whose dress is this? Were you ever married?” My son just liked the idea that when he wore it he got to wear barrettes too.

    And I have had some crazy rock concert t/shirts, ridiculously expensive business suits, tons of funky shoes, and always wore the same earrings for job interviews, because they were my lucky ones.

    BUT the reason why I wanted to comment on this post is because, I think every girl/lady/chick gets caught up in “the dress”, and other outfits, It is fun to look at pictures and see the dresses and outfits we used to wear. Although I do agree that the “wedding dress” is not your most important purchase, it should be your first convertible.

    I would like to see changes that allow our “sisters” to be able to see themselves pictured in those dresses in all of the Wedding magazines, or in the wedding shops windows too. This photographer’s effort should be supported, and her move to be inclusive of sharing the “special day” with wonderful photographic memories. I have attached her letter to Weddings Unveiled Magazine.
    http://annealmasy.com/an-open-letter-to-weddings-unveiled-magazine/

    Keep up your ranting!

    1. I love this comment! I so want to know what earrings you wear to your job interviews. :)

      And hey, I totally get you – I think it’s super important to wear something you love and feel fabulous in on your wedding day. That way you can look back on all your amazing photos and relive the wonder of the day. Otherwise, there’s no point in spending any money at all!

      Thank you so much for linking this article. My sister is marrying a beautiful, kind, brilliant, hilarious woman this summer and this kind of crap just cuts me right up. I will pass along the link to many. xx

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