A real stand up kind of gal

Hey you crazy cats!


Let me catch my breath here.

So much has been happening on this side of the cosmic kitchen that I am having a hard time keeping my head on straight.

I mean, where exactly has October gone?

This weekend was a blur of magic and marvel  – my mother in-law’s birthday, dogsitting, a fashionista charity event, a Cory Doctorow reading, runs in the rain, hang outs with friends – I am exhausted and giddy, and wistful just thinking of it all.

Meanwhile, the outside world’s bonkerdom continues apace.

Seriously, the news these days is pretty much at crisis saturation point and so every time I read the newspaper or fire up ye ole’ internets, I start to feel much the same way.

It order to keep the information-based malaise at bay, and a smile firmly etched on my face, my mother has been phoning me regularly, regaling me with all the east coast gossip I so dearly miss whilst keeping hearth and home 6,000 kilometers away on the western seaboard.

Whilst she has me on the blower, she also updates me on Halifax’s on-going mayoral race, and the continued success of this year’s dark horse (erm, dark cat) candidate – one Tuxedo Stan.

With his recent endorsement by Ellen DeGeneres, Mr. Stan’s candidacy (catdidacy?) is looking strong indeed. I don’t want to say that he’s a shoe-in, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he manages to pounce on a large percentage of the vote.

I mean, say what you want, but that cat doesn’t spin any yarns. He just plays with them.

(I promise I’m done.)

But T.S. certainly is a cutie pie. Plus he’s always, always dressed for the occasion.

Anywho, all of this activity of late – both on the phone, and off – has left me feeling pretty darn knackered.

No word of a lie, this morning when the alarm went off it took a heck of a long time for my brain shift gears from “ZZZZZZZ” to “ACHIEVER” and doubly long for my limbs to make their way out of the warm and cozy mess of blankets that M and I call a bed.

I always say that on mornings such as these, I feel as though I have to steam my eyelids open in the shower – as if the day is a secret message I was never meant to see.

Can you tell that I can get very poetic and philosophical whilst I wash my hair?

Side note: do you cats take the exact same shower every day?

I do.

Anytime my routine is mucked up it drives me absolutely batty.

As I’ve said before, showering is very, very important to me. I do some of my best thinking behind that curtain.

First – I wash my hair. Then I put in the conditioner, but don’t wash it out right away. While my hair is “conditioning” I scrub my dermis within an inch of its life.

Then I wash my face with my magical NO ACNE 4 U cleanser.

Once this is finished, I rinse the conditioner from my hair and skedaddle like a maniac. One towel for the bod, one for the head.

I like the Queen of Sheba look.

In short, I love quick, hot, organized showers.


Anywho, back to what I was saying before that insane sidebar – just looking into the next month, my ride on the barmy train will continue chugging along, as besides work, I have at least six more talks with the United Way, a radio gig, my regular big sisters work, a romantic cabin getaway, a visit from the pater familias, and I’m still trying to figure out if I’m going to run the Fall Classic 10k.

I’ve also been reading all of the Mordecai Richler.

I cannot stop. It’s just too good.

Oh, and the piece de resistance?

 I signed up for stand-up comedy classes!


This is the most exciting thing ever.

I have wanted to try stand-up for pretty much the last bagillion or so years. Having done a ton of improv and acting in years past, I always thought of this – in the parlance of Picard and Kirk – the final frontier.

I am still too chicken to just sign-up for an amateur night cold turkey, so I figure if I take a few classes (which has a live show as our final project!) I will be much closer to racking up the required courage.

Wish me luck (or wish that I break my leg).

I will keep you posted as it goes.

But first sleep.

I have a pile of blankets with my name on it.

Published by

Vanessa Woznow

Writer, runner, ranter, reader. I write about all things.

16 thoughts on “A real stand up kind of gal”

  1. My friends from High School and I get together every so often and roast one of our own. While most of us have no formal training or informal training it is always a fun, booze-filled night. A few of my friends have even gone semi-pro; they’ve won money and contests and small amounts of local fame. One has even opened for major comedians, including Gilbert Gottfried (Iago from Alladin!). Good luck, I hope to catch you at The Laff House or Helium in Philly one of these days.

    1. That sounds like a blast! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, your friends sound like really good people.

      As soon as I make it out east (it might take a while by greyhound) I will let you know where you can procure tickets.

      1. I am sure they’ll (who are “they” anyway) will secure a nice tour bus with all the amenities so that it won’t feel so long.

        And if you came to one of the roasts; you would no longer think those friends were good people. It gets pretty brutal. I tend to be the tamest because I spend less time with those kids than they spend with each other; meaning I know fewer weak points to jab a knife in and twist. But it is always funny and so far hasn’t ended in bloodshed; so I count the roasts as successes.

  2. I’ve loved Richler since Jacob Two Two met the Hooded Fang! Can’t wait to hear about the stand-up success, and hopefully see the triumphant Youtube footage to boot. Congrats on diving in.

  3. Kudos to you for signing up for comedy lessons!! I’ve always wanted to as my talents as well as being a piss artist are being funny as hell. the problem lies in the fact that I can’t really tell a story in a pub let alone on stage so I’m gonna give it a miss.

  4. So much great news in this! Love that you had such a fab weekend, it really does sound spectacular. :)
    And seriously?! Doing stand-up comedy! So awesome and I am in awe of you, my friend. You are not only speedy like a ninja, with brain and beauty, you are downright gutsy too! I’d be terrified. Please do tell all about how the classes go. It sounds like a blast – your holy grail of Ethel-dom! Big hugs!

    1. Laaaaady, I am SO excited. I had my first class last night and I am already loving it! We have a live show for our final project and I cannot wait. Maybe if I get up my courage I’ll post the link on the blog. :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s