To whom it may concern

Stop skirting the issue here

Hi Kids! Friday fry-up time.

A can of spam.

Yesterday I received what has to be the funniest spam comment in the history of spam comments.

It reads:

When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can’t think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.

What the WHAT?

Talk about pure comedy gold.

Who are you, person who left this comment? Please introduce yourself to the group so we can all give you the round of applause you so dearly deserve. And I truly believe that it was a person, and not a spambot, what with it being a complete, coherent (if odd) sentence and all. (It’s also written in English and not Polish or Russian. Do you many of you peeps get a lot of multi-lingual spam? Because goodness knows, I get a TON.)

All I have to go on is the user name Silver Price and some sketchy e-mail address. So if you are reading this Monsieur Spammer, please step forward I just wish to tip my hat in your direction and let you know that your note will keep me laughing for ages.

AGES!

A close second goes to this comment which also deserves an honourable mention:

Sod costs more; however, it comes mature and ready to lay but prior to that you must prepare the area properly, and that takes time and dedication. If you have a fireplace, inside or outside, or a grill, you can pick up the fallen tree branches and cut them up for use in your fireplace or grill. Fixing your lawn can cost some money depending on how damaged it is. This list of foes continues nevertheless the absolute goal in the game remains to be the same.

BRILLIANT.

Next!

Mini-Me.

So. I recently went and tried on this mini-skirt but couldn’t bring myself to buy it despite the fact that I loved it.

It’s like a flapper skirt! Only fluffier!

KEEEEEY-UTE!

Sigh.

I have this love-fear relationship with mini-skirts. I adore them, but I have crippling anxiety when it comes to wearing them – I tend to, shall we say, over think the whole thing.

Am I showing too much leg? Do I need tights? Why am I so pale? How do I have so many veins? Why are my body proportions so out of whack?

WHY AM I EVEN THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Good grief – this is exhausting!

This whole thing is weird. I mean, for the longest time (for most of my undergrad actually) I never even wore pants – hey don’t get the wrong idea here – and instead only ever donned skirts (of all lengths and styles – and believe you me, I rocked quite a few minis during this time.)

And it’s crazy to think that now that I am healthy (and oh-so much happier) I have all these awful hang-ups when it comes to this one article of clothing that I actually really like.

(I debated like crazy if I even wanted to post that one picture.)

I just wish that I could get over all of this crap and just move on. No more body issues, no more trepidation over what people will think or not think – just take the plunge and do it. Wear it with tights, wear it without tights – WHO CARES.

Just wear it.

So I’m working on it.

Viva forever.

For some reason I have never gotten over a memory I have of this YM magazine article I read when I was in grade five.

The Spice Girls were on the cover, and in their interview, Posh Spice said that she never wore both eye make-up and lipstick at the same time, less she come across as overdone (I’m not sure how often she or the other girls actually followed this model, but I digress).

Now somehow this rule of thumb has stuck with me for the past sixteen years. For real, to this day, I never, ever wear any eye make-up when I rock a strong lip, and seeing as though that is most days – well, I rarely break out anything stronger than a simple mascara (if that.)

I would never have thought Victoria Beckham would play such a small, but pivotal role in my life.

Huh.

Zigazigah is right.

Have a brilliant weekend you beauty cats! Do what you want – wear what you want – find that rattlesnake – and then tell me all about it.

20 thoughts on “Stop skirting the issue here

  1. That rattle snake spam comment was on my facebook newsfeed yesterday! I didn’t really get it why someone would put it up, though. We get a lot of spam written in Chinese (I think). My current favorite in our queue is “you’re truly a excellent webmaster. The web site loading velocity is incredible. It sort of feels that you’re doing any unique trick. Moreover, The contents are masterpiece. you have performed a excellent task on this matter!”

  2. I might unconsciously be channeling the same rule… I too never rock the vivid lip-wear while playing up the eyes.

    I get all kinds of crazy spam too. I love when they compliment my excellent writing style and wisdom :p

  3. I got a comment from “Hotshotbaldcop” (gold!) saying “This. IS. Literature!” On one of my posts. True spam.

    And my personal, if not a little unsettling favourite from some account I’ve long since forgotten the name of:

    “A very gaping read. I would gape again.”

    All the rest has been various levels of mumbo jumbo and low caliber trash devoid of both humour and imagination.

      1. I read everything you write, just don’t feel I’ve much relevant to say about most of it (though as I’ve said before, I enjoy it all a lot :) ).

        I’m back in the land of the blogging again. Can’t say it’s worth the greatest read. Though I hope maybe I’ll find more positivity later.

        Keep up the writing, but not if it’s too dreadfully stressful- you’ve a perfectly energetic life to be living too right? haha.

        1. Glad to see you back in the blogosphere! I look forward to checking out your new project. :)

          Writing is what keeps me passionate and energetic (or is it a vehicle for my passions and energies? perhaps both?) I couldn’t live without it!

    1. This may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. And for this, I will perform an interpretive dance to “Say you’ll be there” dedicated in your honour. But first I will say thank you :)
      xx

  4. Wish-granting rattlesnakes and Sod Costs More – you couldn’t make it up! Fabulous, very superior Spam. That wee flapper skirt is soo cute on you – you really ought to get it, Eth! You have fab legs – and I speak as a realist about bodies, as you know. I myself could never, ever get away with a skirt that tiny, as my short, sturdy athlete’s legs (note to self: must get around to giving them back to the athlete one day) and, um, well, chunky torso just plain don’t look good in a miniskirt. I can just about get away with the sporty mini-kilt I wear to do the Highland Games, but even that looks better if I’m also wearing my Amazon-motorbike-chick New Rock boots, which add about 3 inches of length to my leg! Hah. Learn to Love Your Legs, woman! It’s a long road back from body dysmorphia type issues, but I’m confident you’re getting there, dear heart, and when you do you’ll be wearing that skirt!

    1. Ms. Kinetikat, you never, ever cease to put a smile on my face. The next time I find myself out your way I am taking you OUT! And you look hot and hell in your kilt mini skirt, especially with your kick ass boots. (Will you wear this on our date?)

      Thank you for this wonderful comment :)
      xx

  5. YM! I loved that magazine in elementary school. It is amazing how some small advice like that can really stick with you.

    *sigh* I am so with you on the paleness. I don’t wish to be tan but sometimes I figure people must think I’m sickly when I’m at the beach or something. Your legs look great though!!

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