[Disclaimer: I am feeling particularly bonkers this afternoon.]
So I was motoring about the downtown core, playing my usual, much loved lunch-time game (you know, the one called “Try on all the clothes and photograph yourself like a total weirdo”) when I espied the below sandwich board:
It was the weirdest moment because upon reading this I actually felt like I needed to prove to the sign that I could actually, you know, speak English – like I had to show the (strangely) threatening advertisement that this was something I had already mastered.
But then I kind of went completely nuts.
In my mind I was all: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I already CAN speak English! English, English, English! Bet you weren’t exactly expecting THAT, were you, you sandwich board you! Not only that, but I can also speak French and have a highly unstable grasp of Russian and German!
I AM THE MICHAEL PHELPS OF LANGUAGES.
BOOYAKASHA.
Erm.
What’s wrong with me?
Also, on a slightly less bizarre note, shouldn’t the sign read “Learn English now!” and not “Speak English now”?
I mean, anyone can speak a language – I could probably speak Korean or Portuguese as the day is long – I just wouldn’t know what the bloody heck it was that I was saying.
And at the risk of sounding like the Old Spice Man, or Lady Gaga penning her obituary via Madlibs, it’s definitely always best to know the meaning of the words coming out of your mouth.
I mean, if someone actually came up to me and told me they wanted my leather studded kiss in the sand I would think they were totes mcgotes cray-cray.
But then I’d be all “SPEAK ENGLISH MAN!” not “LEARN ENGLISH MAN!”
And then I’d remember this day and concede defeat to the language school sandwich board.
And then I’d make a sandwich.
Rant and Roll 
Genuine chuckles! You are the Michael Phelps of blogposts too :D
Alis
http://www.alphabetteringmyself.com
Aww, thanks Doll! That totally made me smile :)
That was another excellent post today. You make it look so easy. Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed reading it very much. Have a wonderful day!
Enjoy writing? Join Us Today –
Writers Wanted
Thank you for the lovely comment!
If you didn’t already know English would you be able to read and understand the board in the first place???
I cannot argue that your logic is sound! Alas, I have no excuse save my general madness.
I think it is madness on their part. You would only be able to read the sign if you already knew English. So having the sign in English suggesting you attend thier course to learn English seems kind of stupid. Shouldn’t the sign have asked the question in a number of different languages to attract those who actually needed to learn? And kind of scary that a place of learning couldn’t figure that out?
You are not mad my friend, you just temporarily lost the plot. :)
russian (“dosh na dawn ya”) & gervermin? (ve gait es einen?)
and you were gwan in francais not toooo long ago. and balk at my pidgeon (whaddootheycawllit? — I can’t remember! but it’s jungly!) espangolischnikkakken?? yes, yer weigh beeyawnd mikael phelpps …
I do not balk, I marvel! Seriously, I always look forward to deciphering you notes.
I would say that you too are pretty high up there – fluent in both spanish, english, and espangolischnikkakken!
Oh, this one had me in stitches! Yay for sammiches!!
Sometimes I do think that I am turning mad. As long as I can keep laughing, it’ll all be a-okay!
Hilarious. I wish I was a polyglot but I quite promptly forgot most of my high school Spanish, Latin and Ancient Greek the second I could.
That’s totally how it is though! If you’re not living in the language it is daaaaammmnnn hard to keep it up.
Very true.