Remember ladies –
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WEDDING.
You can work hard at your job, your academics, your athletic endeavours; you can scale mountains, or travel all across the globe; you can learn foreign languages, form amazing friendships, hide out in the woods, or start a billion dollar company; you can cook brilliant meals, and read all the books, watch all the movies, or write all the plays.
But none of that matters.
Nor do any of these things even come close to the importance of finding a man who will eventually ask you to marry him.
Because if a man doesn’t ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, that means you will never be able to make YOUR MOST IMPORTANT FASHION PURCHASE OF YOUR LIFE.
Which, of course, is your WEDDING DRESS.
Not that amazing suit you scrimped and saved up for, in the lead up to your biggest and most important job interview.
Not that amazing pair of shoes you waited forever to go on sale and snatched them the moment you could afford them, because they make you feel like a superhero when you wear them.
Not that concert t-shirt you bought in grade nine and then proceeded to wear every day for a year, because that event, up until that point, was the most seminal music experience of your life.
Not the dress you bought for your grandfather’s funeral, or the pair of runners you bought for your first big road race, or those yoga pants that make you feel invincible, or those sunglasses that make you look like an international spy.
Not that amazing sports bra that you adamantly wash by hand because you fear it wearing out, or that ten dollar sundress you wore all last summer because you will never find anything so cute and comfortable for the rest of your days.
None of these things matter.
What a second -
IS THIS 2013 OR WHAT?
How are we still dealing with this crazy bullshit?
A woman’s wedding dress is not the most important fashion purchase of her life.
Not unless a masked killer is actually holding a gun to her head yelling “IMMA MURDER YOU UNLESS YOU PURCHASE A WEDDING DRESS!!!!”
Then, I am willing to agree that it was a pretty important buy.
But only then!
And this is coming from a married woman. Who loved both her dress, and her wedding.
Not to mention that I LOVE love. Like, a lot.
And I am all for people coming together to support, celebrate, and embrace this part of life.
But this whole conceit, this long-standing mythology that a wedding is somehow day NUMERO UNO for all the LAIDEEZ makes me want to rip all the hair from my head.
What kind of message do you think this is sending to little girls? And little boys?
Could you imagine a piece on a man’s “most important fashion purchase”?
The idea is so far-fetched I am having a hard time even imaging what it could possibly be.
But goodness knows, it sure is easy to promote the age old trope of the overarching, MEGA HUGE importance of a wedding dress. I mean, if it wasn’t, why the heck would we still be publishing utter crap, like the above photographed article?
Which is basically can be summed up in the following equation: WOMAN+WEDDING = LIFE GOAL – ACHIEVED!
Of course, this is not me saying that women should not love their wedding dresses.
I’m just saying that it’s imperative for us to remember that: ALL WOMEN = so much more than an “I DO.”
Ya know what I mean?
Or should I be saying -